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Alienator
USA 1989
produced by Jeffrey C. Hogue, Tom Howard (executive), Dan Q. Kennis (executive) for American Independent, Majestic International
directed by Fred Olen Ray
starring Jan-Michael Vincent, John Phillip Law, Ross Hagen, Dyana Ortelli, Jesse Dabson, Dawn Wildsmith, P.J. Soles, Robert Clarke, Richard Wiley, Teagan Clive, Leo Gordon, Robert Quarry, Fox Harris, Hoke Howell, Jay Richardson, Dan Golden, Joe Zimmerman, Kathy Brett, Joseph Pilato, Jeffrey C. Hogue, Grant Austin Waldman
written by Paul Garson, music by Chuck Cirino, special effects by Cleve Hall, Mark Williams, cinematography by Gary Graver
review by Mike Haberfelner
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Kol (Ross Hagen), a rebel leader, escapes from the penal planet run by
an extremely sadistic and kill-crazy, self-righteous warden (Jan-Michael
Vincent) and in the course of his escape crashlands on earth, where he
runs in front of a van. Unfortunately the four teens (Richard Wiley, Dyana
Ortelli, Jesse Dabson, Dawn Wildsmith) driving the van are abunch of
unorganized assholes, especially Rick (Wiley), the actual driver of the
van, who soon enough suggests to shoot Kol. Eventually though, they get
Kol to the next ranger station where Kol tells them that the penal planet
will soon enough send a hunter after him, the Alienator (Teagan Clive), a
very butch woman robot in very short outfits who looks anything but sexy
but who seems to be virtually indestructible - only a net might eventually
short-circuit her ...
The Alienator has come to earth soon enough and starts killing people
left and right, including a Doctor (Robert Quarry) and two poachers (Fox
Harris, Hoke Howell) before taking up the fight with Kol, the four teens,
the ranger (John Phillip Law) and an ex-army guy (Leo Gordon) who just
happens to store any number of weapons - including a landmine - in his
shack.
Our team of heroes (well ...) takes virtually forever to figure out
that the Alienator is more or less indestructible and try out the net -
about which Kol has told them long ago - which really shuts the Alienator
down. It's only now that Kol shows his true colours, takes over Rick's
body and tries to rape his girlfriend before everybody's eyes. Eventually
though the Alienator comes back to life, decapitates Kol/Rick and gives
our small gang of heroes some diamonds to make up for all the terror she
has brought to everyone - though I doubt that will bring either the Doctor
or the poachers back to life ...
1980's B-science fiction at its worst: The story has such reactionary
tendencies to it it almost makes you want to puke, the dialogue is simply
horrible, the teens are such an unlikeable bunch you almost wish for them
to be killed, and the looks and outfit of the Alienator are so
outrageously bad it almost makes you laugh.
And if you now think these are actually reasons for watching the
movie as an unintentional comedy ... it doesn't even work in that respect.
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