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Armed Response
Jade Jungle

USA 1986
produced by
Paul Hertzberg, Lisa M. Hansen (executive) for Cinetel Films
directed by Fred Olen Ray
starring David Carradine, Lee Van Cleef, Mako, Lois Hamilton, Ross Hagen, Brent Huff, Laurene Landon, Dick Miller, Burr DeBenning, Michael Berryman, David Goss, Dah've Seigler, Conan Lee, Sam Hiona, Bob Hevelone, Patrick Culliton, Richard Lee-Sung, Susan Stokey, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, Kai Baker, David O'Hara, Dawn Wildsmith, Bobbie Bresee, Brad Arrington, Jerry Fox, Jimmy Williams, Fred Olen Ray, Mihcelle Bauer, Lisa Hayward, Lauren Hertzberg, Jordan Hertzberg, Hisako Mura, Maryann Zvoloff
story by Paul Hertzberg, Fred Olen Ray, Terrill Lee Lankford, screenplay by Terrill Lee Lankford, music by Thomas Chase, Steve Rucker

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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A couple of crooks (Dick Miller, Laurene Landon) have stolen a very valuable statue from Yakuza boss Tanaka (Mako), and now he has hired shady private eyes Cory (Ross Hagen) and Clay (David Goss) to exchange the statue for a million Dollars in cash - but the whole thing ends in a shoot-out since Cory has set his eyes on keeping both the statue and the money for himself, but somehow Clay, whom Cory shoots personally, gets his hands on the statue and gets it back to his family before Cory can do anything about it - but clay figures now he can take off with the money scot-free and make Clay his scapegoat.

Clay can just make it back to his brothers Jim (David Carradine) and Robert (Brent Huff) and his father Burt (Lee Van Cleef) before he breaks down and dies, but his relatives consider themselves particularly tough (the brothers were both in 'Nam, the dad was a cop), so they don't hand the case (or the statue) over to the cops and instead try to right the wrongs that have been done themselves ... and as a result, Robert is soon enough captured by Tanaka's men and tortured and killed because he doesn't want o give them the wehreabouts of the statue.

Then Tanaka abducts Jim's wife and daughter (Lois Hamilton, Dah've Seigler), whom he now keeps in exchange for the statue and the money (which he doesn't know that our heroes don't have), and only by playing tough can Jim get him to change the deal, but Tanaka still tries to set up a trap for him and Jim walks into the trap intentionally ... and of course it all ends in a big shoot-out, during which Tanaka is blown away by an explosive hidden in the statue, and his second in command (Michael Berryman) wrecks Jim's bar by driving his car right into it but is ultimately shot by Jim's wife.

And Cory and the money you might ask ... in an ironic twist of events, they have made it to the bottom of the lake after the female crook of the money handover at the beginning of the film (Laurene Landon) had tracked Cory down and had his revenge on him.

Michelle Bauer has a cameo appearance as a stripper in this one, but she doesn't do much more than showing her tits ... well, actually she doesn't do any more than this.

 

Cheap action flick, there is actually little more to say about it. The whole thing is full of clichés (like Japanese cutting off their fingers, an Asian handing out fortune cookies, a tough-as-nails ex-cop dad, a Vietnam veteran with flashbacks, ...) and features a very thin storyline as a hanger for its action scenes. The action itself is competently enough staged (for its budget at least) but lacks conviction or imagination. But, to end this film on a positive note, Dick Miller and Laurene Landon make a great couple as small-fry crooks trying to hit it big time.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
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cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
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a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
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tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
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Out now from
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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD