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Cell
Cell Phone / Puls

USA 2016
produced by
Michael Benaroya, Shara Kay, Richard Saperstein, Brian Witten, John Cusack (executive), Armen Aghaeian (executive), Paddy Cullen (executive), Laurence Freed (executive), Xavier Gens (executive), Peter Graham (executive), Marina Grasic (executive), Tyler A. Hawes (executive), Stephen Hays (executive), Jan Korbelin (executive), Edward Mokhtarian (executive), Brian Pope (executive), Ben Sachs (executive), Geno Tazioli (executive) for Benaroya Pictures, The Genre Co., 120dB Films, Cargo Entertainment
directed by Tod Williams
starring John Cusack, Samuel L. Jackson, Isabelle Fuhrman, Clark Sarullo, Ethan Andrew Casto, Owen Teague, Stacy Keach, Joshua Mikel, Anthony Reynolds, Erin Elizabeth Burns, Jeff Hallman, Mark Ashworth, Wilbur Fitzgerald, Catherine Dyer, E. Roger Mitchell, Alex ter Avest, Gaby Leyner, Rey Hernandez, Frederick C. Johnson jr, Michael Beasley, Tom Key, Angela Davis, Griffin Freeman, Lloyd Kaufman, Brian Boland, Mandi Christine Kerr
screenplay by Stephen King, Adam Alleca, based on the novel by Stephen King, music by Marcelo Zarvos

review by
Mike Haberfelner



When at the airport wanting waiting for his flight back to his family (Clark Sarullo, Ethan Andrew Casto), Clay witnesses the the zombie outbreak firsthand, which apparently affects only those presently on their cellphones - so over half of everybody at the place. Somehow he manages to team up with train engineer Tom (Samuel L. Jackson), who knows a backway out of the airport and into the city - which inexplicably looks like a well-seasoned warzone, not a town that has just been hit by the zombie apocalypse. Clay and Tom make it to Clay's home where they're soon joined by neighbour girl Alice (Isabelle Fuhrman), who has just killed her mother when she turned into a zombie. Not wanting to abandon his family in times of need, Clay decides to try and make it on foot (a rather odd idea considering he previously figured them far enough away to take an airplane. And Tom and Alice agree to join him, even though that would take them through the zombie infested outside with hardly any protection. Of course, that the zombies sleep at night works in their favour, and then they stumble upon a house filled to the brim with fire arms - so now they're well equipped, and they make it to a boarding school run by Charles Ardai (Stacy Keach) whose student population has shrunk down to one, Jordan (Owen Teague), where they learn a little more about the zombies. Obviously they're not zombies in the traditional sense but have somehow fused with their cellphones and are slowly taking over cellphone characteristics while giving up individuality in favour of a hive mind - the next step in evolution maybe. But of course, our heroes want none of it, and help Ardai burn his zombiefied students that have chosen the soccer pitch as their sleeping quarters - something that doesn't go 100% to plan and costs Ardai his life.

Our gang plus Jordan move on, and eventually make it to a diner with some guests who are still human, but eventually, that place too comes under zombie attack, who now no longer want to annihilate but assimilate humankind. Next stop is Ray (Anthony Reynolds) and Denise's (Erin Elizabeth Burns) ice cream truck, where they get their final answers about all things cellphone zombies as Ray's a class A conspiracy theorist who has been right about everything after all - but he's also a crazyman who eventually blows himself up.

Clay makes it to his family home, only to be attacked by his zombified wife, and to learn that his son is trying to make it to a zombie-free zone - which has long been turned into a death trap, but Clay knows he must go after the boy anyhow ...

 

The concept of this film - cellphones enslaving people's minds - is fascinating and could have been turned into a warped piece of body horror à la Videodrome (from which Cell does borrow at times) - but unfortunately the writers have opted against it, instead delivering a disappointingly stale zombie tale that tries hard to bury its good ideas under overused genre mainstays and clichés that have always marred Stephen King's work. And unfortunately, the direction does little to add excitement to the proceedings, instead shows a relative lack of inspiration, really more tagging along the dull proceedings rather than taking the lead. On an acting level, John Cusack just repeats the same role one has long come to identify him with without adding any new highs, while the usually dependable Samuel L. Jackson seems to just phone in his performance. Only Anthony Reynolds as the super-caffeinated Ray really adds colour to the procedings, but he appears too late in the film and is offed too early.

In all, not so much a bad movie but a boring one that leaves much of its potential at the door - which is a shame, really.

 

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review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
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Tales to Chill
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Tales to Chill
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the new anthology by
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