Because Ted (Edward Albert) has to write a series of articles on Japan, he and his wife Laura (Susan George) and daughter Amy (Amy Barrett) move there for research, and their best friend Alex (Doug McClure) gets them an old house on the cheap too - it's so cheap because 200 years ago, a samurai (Toshiya Maruyama) killed his wife Otami (Mako Hattori) and her lover (Tsuiyuki Sasaki) there before committing seppuku. Now the place is supposed to be haunted ... but nobody believes this of course - until Laura finds some weird charm, which apparently calls the ghosts of the samurai, his wife and her lover. Soon, weird things start to happen, and after a while, Ted seems to be seeing Otami everywhere, but being a ghost she remains elusive of course. She also possesses Laura and drives her to have an affair with Alex. And one night, while her parents are out, Amy is attacked and hospitalized by lobsters of all sizes. Ted is soon sure something sinister is happening, so he hires a local exorcist - who really manages to drive out the ghosts. Then Laura confesses she has an affair with Alex, and pretty much on cue, Alex stops by. When Ted lets him in, the ghosts slip in as well. Ted and Alex immediately start to brawl, but then the ghosts possess them both, and since the ghosts are Japanese, instead of carelessly throwing punches as Westerners would do in a fight, the two men suddenly switch to karate and finally battle it out with samurai swords. Ultimately, possessed Ted beheads Alex, then he slaughters his wife before committing seppuku. And then the ghosts leave ...

Not a good film, but at times so silly it's funny at least. The fight scene at the end when the two men switch to karate once possessed is a hoot, as is the lobster attack and several other such scenes. Also the movie's approach to Japanese folklore couldn't be more naive and clich�ed - in an amusing way though.

As a straight horror film though (as this was meant to be), the movie's pretty much a failure: For the most part, the characters and especially the ghosts lack motivation, the movie hasn't much to offer in either the shock or the suspense department, the story as such lacks buildup, and the ending is a tad stupid.

But as mentioned above, you might still get a kick out of this one - for all the wrong reasons mind you ...

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

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Robots and rats,
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cuddly toys and
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love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
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