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El Ojete de Lulú

Lulu's Talking Ass

Spain 1986
produced by
Fervi Films
directed by Candy Coster (= Lina Romay)
starring Lina Romay (as Lulú Laverne), Pepito Tiésez (= José Llamas), Mela Chupen (= Mabel Escano), Jean Morcillón (= José Miguel García), Pepet Payalet (= Diego Porta)
written by Candy Coster (= Lina Romay), music by Pablo Villa (= Jess Franco)

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Lulu's (Lina Romay) ass is bored, mainly because she never receives any attention at all. Now Lulu does have sex, and lots of it, but all people are interested in is Lulu's pussy and maybe her mouth. The asshole? Nope.

Then some day, Lulu brings home a new, innocent looking girl, Rosalinda (Mela Chupen), for a lesbian threesome, and she's the first to finger Lulu's asshole, much to its joy. That experience leads to Lulu fingering her asshole regularly when masturbating and offer her ass to her lovers ... much to Lulu's pussy dismay. But over time, Lulu becomes more and more insatiable, so ultimately, ass and pussy both get enough dick.


Lulu's Talking Ass, an excursion into hardcore porn by Lina Romay and Jess Franco, is most certainly one weird film, inasmuch as it's told by Lina Romay's ass - and she bends over in the nude quite often to give us a good glimpse, and sometimes even with a cigarette sticking in the hole. And the ass, too, is the only "protagonist" of sorts with any real lines (well, apart from the pussy) - which basically means a squeaking voice is constantly commenting on all the sex scenes with a special mention on how the ass is treated woven in every other time. Now this is weird, sometimes funny even - it's just not enough to elevate it to porn cult status, its story is just too irrelevant apart from the talking ass, the sex scenes (very little anal by the way, especially considering the title) are just too run-of-the-mill and random to drive the story along, and the assholes lines are just not funny enough and its voice is annoying.

Of course, the whole thing isn't a total trainwreck, there are some in-lokes, like Lina fucking her ass with an Oscar statuette, that Jess Franco fans will sure take to, but it's nothing to write home about, either.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD