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Razor Blade Smile

UK 1998
produced by
Robert Mercer, Jake West, Marvin Gleicher (executive), Laurence Guiness (executive), David West (executive) for Manga live/Eye Deal Image/Beatnik Films
directed by Jake West
starring Eileen Daly, Christopher Adamson, Jonathan Coote, Kevin Howarth, David Warbeck, Heidi James, Isabel Brook, Louisa Moore, Grahame Wood, Jennifer Guy, Georgio Serafini, Mark Caven, Glenn Wrage
written by Jake West, music by Richard Wells

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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200 years ago, Lilith Silver (Eileen Daly) was made a vampire by Sethane Blake (Christopher Adamson), the very man who shot her lover (Glenn Wrage) in a duel.

Now: Lilith spends her time hanging around in goth clubs, but has to realize the goths are a pretty unfunny bunch. To escape boredom she has also taken up a job as assassin, a job she's perfectly qualified for since as a vampire she's pretty much immortal and pretty bloodthirsty, and bullets don't really harm her (though she has to drink as much blood as she has lost in order to survive, of which - when killing's your game - there's aways plenty arond, isn't there ?).

Her latest sereis of hits though might prove too big a bite for her to swallow, as she is hired to take out a series of men all members of a Free Mason society, possibly the Illuminati - & since according to legend the Illuminati have their members everywhere, they soon put one of their ranks, bumbling police detective Price (Jonathan Coote) on her trail - incidently he is to be Lilith's next hit.

Price though has figured out pretty much everything about Lilith - even the fact that she is a vampire - but when he arrests her & takes her to the precinct, he proves to be so much caught up in his strange (well not so strange in fact) ideas about her being a vampire, that even his superior is surprised about the absurdities of his claims & lets Lilith go himself ...

meanwhile Platinum (Kevin Howarth), Lilith's business partner/boss/lover is kidnapped by theuir contractors because Lilith failed to bring them the fFree Masons' ring from her last hit, & now they demand the money back, else Platinum gets it.

Showing her sentimental side, Lilith walks to the rendez vous point to hand over the money & save Patinum even though she knows it's a trap ... & a wild shoot-out ensues, which even gets her riddled by bullets ... but she learns who her contractor is: Sethane Blake, the mabn who had made her a vampire - & who incidently is the head of the Illuminati himself. Seeing her riddled by bullets, he gives her a choice, to either die, or to drink the blood of her (badly wounded) partner/lover Platinum, but kill him in the process ... she chooses the latter.

Then it's payback time, as Lilith boldly enters the Illuminati's estate & takes on (& out) Sethane's vampiric guards before eventually facing Sethane himself ... & detective Price, who, upon realizing he has blindly served a vampire, takes his own life.

Lilith's & Sethane's last fight is fought with swords, & eventually, Lilith comes out winner & prepares to behead Sethane (in this movie the only way to kill a vampire) ... but she stops her blade the very last second, & the 2 of them lovingly embrace ... as it was all just an elaborate game to keep the 2 of them amused during the decades & centuries, with all humans involved being just disposable pawn ...

David Warbeck, in his last role, has a funny cameo as a coroner called horror-movie-man.

 

A good natured, funny, hyperkinetic & stylish vampire action movie that has one big advantage over most other films of this sub-sub-genre - it doesn't take itself seriously for even one single second (opposed to, let's say Underworld, Blade or the dull Interview with a Vampire), but still manages to bring its story across with the right amount of style, bloodetting, atmosphere, action & sex ... & Eileen Daly looks just damn sexy all dressed up in shiney leahter, & always know when & how to strike a pose.

Allegedly, the movie was made for a mere 25.000 British Pounds ...  but the money has been extremely well spent.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!