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Sharknado

USA 2013
produced by
David Michael Latt, David Rimawi (executive) for The Asylum/SyFy
directed by Anthony C. Ferrante
starring Ian Ziering, Cassie Scerbo, Tara Reid, Jason Simmons, John Heard, Aubrey Peeples, Chuck Hittinger, Chrsitopher Wolfe, Steve Moulton, Alex Arleo, Neil H. Berkow, David Bittick, Sumiko Braun, Adrian Bustamante, Diane Chambers, Marcus Choi, Julie McCullough, Israel Sáez de Miguel, Michael Tim, Connor Weil
written by Thunder Levin, music by Ramin Kousha, special effects by Synapse FX, visual effects by Emile Edwin Smith

Sharknado

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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A big storm, and I mean a really big one, is hitting LA, a storm that's flooding the streets ... with not just water but also sharks - even the streets of higher grounds like Beverly Hills. Of course, of all Californians, only master surfer and bar owner Fin (Ian Ziering) has the sense to ... well, always do the right thing and save people left and right while never losing his goals out of sight, which are to fetch his own family and to fight the storm mano-a-mano. In tow he has an old drunk (John Heard) who's a regular in his bar (but who's soon to become shark-food), handy-with-a-gun, shark-hating barmaid April (Cassie Scerbo) - who's of course in love with him -, and an Australian (Jaason Simmons).

After a hair-raising trip to shark-infested Beverly Hills to save Fin's wife (Tara Reid) and daughter (Aubrey Peeples), the rag-tag team travels on to Fin's son's (Chuck Hittinger) hangar, while several cyclones filled with sharks have already formed over the city. Fortunately, sonnyboy has figured out a method to bomb the cyclones out of commission, and so he and April jump into the next chopper to blast the cyclones away - but while doing so, April gets swallowed by a flying shark. So Fin jumps into his jeep to drive a busload (jeepload) into the mother of all cyclones, to blow that one up - successfully, too, but he also gets swallowed by a shark. As fate has it though, it's the same shark who also swallowed April, and this shark, once the cyclone has been blown away, lands right in front of sonnyboy's hangar, and as fate furthre has it, Fin had been carrying a chainsaw when swallowed, and now he chainsaws his way out of the shark, dragging April with him of course, and of course she's still alive. Weirdly though (but totally in line with conservative US-values) it seems that the son gets April in the end, while Fin reconciles with his wife and daughter.

 

If the laws of nature were policed in the movie world, this film would probably get two life-sentences, and it's not made any better that most special effects don't totally stand up to the requirements of the outrageousness of some of the on-screen events ... but that doesn't really matter with this movie, if a film's called Sharknado, you don't expect a serious documentary about the behaviour of sharks during tornadoes, do you? And in fact, it's the outrageous ideas that are the charm of this movie, not only flying sharks, but also a ferry wheel rolling through the streets smashing people or the letters of the Hollywood sign flying about and cutting people apart.

However, that's not to say Sharknado's a good film, because frankly it isn't - porblem is, the film actually takes itself seriuosly, despite the highly comical premise and the enjoyably moronic title. But instead of highlighting the irony of its story, Sharknado tells the clichee-riddled tale of a flawless hero who manages not only to fight a shark-infested tornado pretty much single-handedly, no, he in the course of events also manages to get back together with his wife, find a girl for his son, and reconcile with his daughter - and that's a pretty boring story if you have sharks whirling through the air in the background. And it isn't helped by lame dialogue, cut-out characters and a mediocre cast (only Cassie Scerbo manages to shine occasionally).

Of course, if you're like me, you won't be deterred from watching the film by criticism just like this, you'll just want to see sharks whirling around through the air at whatever cost - just don't expect anything good beyond that from this movie.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD