Against her will, Rose (Dawn Wells) is dropped off at a retirement home by her daughter (Kiersten Warren), who quite obviously wants her out of the way. Even though she feels chucked out, Rose tries to put up a happy face between all the weirdo inhabitants of the home (including Lee Meriwether as the over-sexed vamp, David Proval as the aged and toup�ed Italian stallion, Jerry Douglas as a wannabe yacht captain, Martin Kove as a veteran suffering from PTSD, Eloyd Ray as Santa's double, and Robert Towers as total wacko) and the even weirder staff - the head of the place Dale (John Tartaglia), his assistants the wall-flowerish Desperella (Muffy Bolding) and the �ber-sexy airhead Kitty (Jacqui Holland).

When Rose learns that the previous occupant of her room (Rip Taylor) has been brutally murdered by a person or persons unknown, she gets a little bit on the uncomfortable side though, and the nasty rumours that surround this murder don't necessarily sound too comforting either. And when the wannabe yacht captain offers to take her with her on his "escape" (not that they're held prisonsers) and is found dead later on, panic starts to build, only heightened by the fact that the institution's nurse's (D�l� Ogundiran) dead body eventually pops up as well - and she has not died from natural causes. But Rose won't go down without a fight ... but what chances do she, her fellow inmates Fanny (Camille Saviola) and feisty Wang (Takayo Fischer) and overly naive Kitty have against a cunning killer in a cute cat mask?

Above all else, Silent But Deadly is just great fun: Sure, in its essence it's just a variation on the slasher formula, but adding about 50 years to the age of the protagonists already makes a whole lot of a (fun) difference, especially since the film manages to keep cheap geriatric jokes and tearjerking moments at the lowest, instead banks on strong characters, young and old. And a strong ensemble cast manages to make the film's cast of characters highly amusing and likeable at the same time (expecially co-writer/producer Jacqui Holland's performance of the dumb blonde is a hoot to watch). Add to this a script that has all the shocks and all the jokes in the right places and that doesn't shy away from leaning towards the gruesome or the raunchy should the situation demand it, and you're in for a really fun piece of genre entertainment.

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
is all of that.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

Out now from
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