(frequently asked questions)
or 101 reasons (well,
why you should
What does the site contain ? ...
& what doesn't it contain ?
I am trying to review pretty much
every kind of film that is somehow a little outside
of the mainstream, be it too trashy, sleazy, wild or
too exotic to get much coverage elsewhere ... &
to top it off, I have sprinkled some randomly chosen
episodes of tv-series into the mix, too, to paint a
My main focus though is on
narratively driven, fictuous film, so that does
exclude documentaries & also Mondo-movies, at
least at the moment, as I don't really have the time
to get into this. Also excluded are by & large
short films & silent films, as both these types
of film would deserve an extra kind of attention
& background knowledge that for now I am not
able to provide. However, for all these exclusions
there are & will be exceptions ...
Also I will probably not be doing
too many reviews of Hollywood romantic comedies,
love-stories or Danielle Steele-adaptations as I
feel myself too heavily biased against them to form
an objective opinion.
Who is this site for ?
Well, I do hope for everybody, but realistically, I aim
first & foremost at the common trash-film fan, who is
ready to broaden his horizons into directions that are
usually not suggested by your neighbourhood fanzine.
Secondly, this site is for the researcher into the
realms of the (cinematic) unusual, who wants to get
background info on hard-to-find, virtually unknown or
purposely neglected films.
Thirdly, I also hope to be interesting enough for the
common movie watcher who has become fed up with the
insignificant fare the moviehouses do offer nowadays &
bored by the stuff they play on the tv ...
On what (higher
knowledge) are you reviews based ?
Of course, first & foremost my
reviews are based on my personal tastes, & some
of my comments will bewilder fellow film fans (best
example would be my refusal to label Plan
9 from Outer Space the worst movie of all
times, as it gave me tremendous joy even on repeated
watching). However I have been privately studying
the topic for a good part of 20 years, so I think my
views are what you could call learned opinions,
even if some of them (at least I hope) will seem
|I have made a movie. Will you
review it ?
Well, sure but ...
First of I have to of course get hold of
the movie, & the best way to ensure it is for
you to send it to me (click
here for adress).
Secondly, if you send me, only send DVD's
or VCD's if you must, no tapes. That's not only for
my comfort, it ultimately will make sense to you
too: Tapes are dieing out fast, & for a good
reason, they are more expensive, more difficult to
reproduce, take up more space to store, are more
expensive to send, & immediately show signs of
wear. So even if you consider yourself a bloody
beginner, do yourself a favour & get intimate
with that (not so) new technology. Before long, you
will see why, you might even want to thank me.
Thirdly (& that's probably most important),
you have to fit in with the (not really narrow)
parameters of my site:
||as I'm not reviewing shorts,
the film has to have feature, or
near-feature length (I'd say about 40
minutes & up).
||I won't review documentaries
or mondo-stuff, & there has to be some
narrative framework, meaning I'm not
interested in reviewing a film of 2 1/2
hours of landscapes &/or animal intestines
shown to meditative music.
||same goes for hardcore porn:
I'm not interested in a film that just shows
you shagging your gorgeous girlfriend, if
that is all the film is about (well, if
she's really as gorgeous as you say, I would
be interested in seeing it, but I see no
point in reviewing it, what am I supposed to
write anyways "she's a moaner" or
"she was clearly faking it" ?). However, if your movie tells a story during
which you have to shag your gorgeous
girlfriend (or any other gorgeous girl)
& show it in every glorious detail,
that's a different matter altogether - sex
is not narration, but narration might
necessitate sex. Put in simpler terms, if
you want to shag on camera, find an excuse
to do so first. Of course, even if you shag the most
gorgeous girl in the world, that doesn't
necessarily mean I'll give you thumbs up
(though other parts of me might be up).
Is there any way I can support
your site ?
Ah, finally an easy question. Indeed there are quite
some ways to support the site, click
here for full details.
The easiest way to support my site though might be
using the buying links I have provided for you throughout
the site & buy from one of my partner shops (click
here on information about my partnershops).
I get a percentage from the complete
sale generated through one of my links (even if you did
not by the product I tried to promote).
... so even if you want a washing machine from any of
the amazons (I think
they sell them now), buy it by coming through here. As a
matter of fact, yeah, buy more washing machines, you know
you want them ...
Do your reviews contain Spoilers
Of Course, yes yes & double yes
I am not selling you teasers to some
films but provide carefully researched reviews, & in
many cases one just cannot write a profound review
of a film without giving away the ending in the process.
However, nice person that I am I leave it to you if
you read all of the synopsis or skip to the verdict
after reading half of it/any of it.
It's save to say though that you
can't spoil a good movie, even if you give away
pretty much every twist & turn, a good movie
should stand for itself.
|Will you review DVD-extras, judge movies by their
dubbing/subtitling, or will you endlessly rant on
about meaningless cuts ?
DVDs get re-issued way too foften to keep track
with all the extras, and if the film sucks, I won't
even watch the extras anyways (as many of the extras
are overlong making-ofs anyways that hold no
Bad dubbing/subtitling cannot sink a good film
(not that this is an invitation to make bad dubs or
subtitles), & if you didn't like either, chances
are you just didn't like the film.
... & cuts - it's a shame some censors think
it's enough to cut certain films to reduce the
violence on the streets, that's just silly - but
it's equally silly to think an especially gory film
would automatically be any good ... most of them
(not all of them) suck, actually, & are nothing more than
provocation for the provocation's sake. A good film
doesn't need any gore or intestines, not even explicit sex
(did I just say that ?) ... however, it doesn't necessarily hurt either.
Summing this up, I have tried to (& will
continue to do so) review film on their generic
merits, & neither DVD-extras, nor subtitles or
dubbing, nor cuts are generic but only imposed upon
a movie by in most cases someone who has not had
anything to do with the original filmmaking process,
thus in my view neither of these belong into a
proper, filmhistorical review (of course, there are
Why isn't the movie with that title I can't
remember - the seminal film by that guy with the hair whose name must
have slipped my mind - on your site ?
Valid question indeed, & I have to confess, I don't
really know, but bear in mind, I am just one person trying
to tackle an incredibly vast field of information, so
naturally that takes a bit of time (though I'm doing my
best watching away movies like nobody's business).
However, some films have just failed to make their way
into my DVD-player - yet. So, if you are missing a movie
on my site, just come back tomorrow, next week, next
month, & there are some chances you will find whatever
you are missing now.
If this waiting period is too painful for humble little
you, just shoot me an e-mail, (
), there are some chances that I have whatever film you
are waiting for collecting dust somewhere in my empire of shelves.
are you doing
(also known as the Mike rants about the movie
industry ... lots of blabla, best not to be read
First (& most obvious) of all, I am a film lover, I
always have been & chances are I always will be.That
said though I have been vastly disappointed what
Big-Budget-Hollywood output in recent years ... no, not
disappointed, disgusted is the word I'm looking for. Big
Budget Hollywood has obviously lost all trust in its
own creativity & puts out one meaningless remake of a
renowned classic (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Dawn
or the Dead, ...) or interesting foreign film (Ring,
Godzilla, The Grudge, ...) after another or
reverts to adapting lame 70's tv-series (Starsky &
Hutch, Charlie's Angels, Mission Impossible,
...) or Computer games (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Dungeons
& Dragons, ...) for the big screen ...
All this leaves the dedicated moviegoer with one big
question: If you have one of the most powerful means to
bring your visions to the public - why do you make any
effort possible to be unoriginal.
The advent of CGI-effects is another of these things
that big budget Hollywood has completely blown. Mind
you, by now it's used in every other big budget actioner
- regardless if needed or not - but to the most tiresome
results. It seems that all these crappy computers are good
for is to give us better explosions & let some dinos
hop through some cities. & to not confuse the viewers
too much, why don't we have all the explosions look alike,
the dinos look alike & the cities look alike. Just let
us not even scratch the surface of the creative
possibilities CGI effects may offer.
Best example: Polar Express (which earned a tidy
profit in the Christmas season of 2004, but by the time
you might read this, the film is probably totally forgotten), a
film that prided itself to push the boundaries of computer
effects & be the first to use a process called motion
capture. The result couldn't be more tiresome: It's
the story of a boy who has to relearn the true meaning of
Christmas (now where have I heard that one before), with most of the characters (thanks to motion
capture) played by Tom Hanks (Hell hath no Fury ...)
But enough complaining. Is there nothing interesting
out there ?
Of course there is, & plenty so, it's just a
question of turning away from the evil spell of big budget
Hollywood that tries to tell us that this is as good as it
gets, & dig elsewhere ... not only geographically.
(re)search my trash is offering reviews
to a wide array of movies from around the world, the
good, the bad & the ugly, with in-depth-analysis,
based on dilligent research as well as my own opinions.
(re)search my trash dares to go back in
time up to the beginning of the sound-era to analyze old,
neglected, forgotten gems of yesteryear as well as gems
& stinkers from today.
(re)search my trash even dares to break a
taboo for most self-obsessed film critics/historians, & offers reviews of some tv-shows, & not
just in form of flippant remarks but by episode, taken
by their own value. In doing so, I make an attempt at
giving some of the shows their place in cinematic history.
Thanks for watching !!!
Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
is all of that.
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle,
all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Out now from