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Beasties
The Bionaut

USA 1991
produced by
Steven Paul Contreras, Helen Contreras (executive), David DeCoteau (executive) for Pulsar Films
directed by Steven Paul Contreras
starring Eric C. Bushman, Denise Mora, James Jefferies, Brenda Stubbe, Hector Yanez, Eric DelaBarre, Janine Miskulin, Michael Perry, Suzanne Brever, Marty Davis, Andrea Dralow, Deborah Yates, Missy Pierce, Scott Dixon, John Boylan, Manuel Mendiola, Shane Sharkey, Matt Prine, Eric Stockton, Tony Jay, Ken Frances, Allen F. Contreras, Scott Bonomo, Roderick Grajeda, Mike Chavez, Maria Blanco, Elisa Nieto, Ted Esquivel, Dean Clark, Sherry Parisi, Mary Dunbar, Janet Cotton, Renee Birkett, The Shroudettes
written by Steven Paul Contreras, music by Darrell Devaurs

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Apparently an alien spacecraft has landed on earth, and its rather monstruous passengers just hop out and kill the teens on lover's lane rather indiscriminately. Only nerdy Nelson (Eric C. Bushman) and his girlfriend Laura (Denise Mora) somehow make it inside the spacecraft and snatch an egg ... before they find themselves on the run from the aliens. They get to Sara's (Janine Miskulin) house, who has just been attacked by one of the extraterrestrial creatures but chased it away ... and now she can need some company in defending her place. So she's glad to let Nelson and Laura in, but not so glad about the alien egg. The three of them decide to bring the egg to the local scientist ... but never get there because Hammerhead (Eric DelaBarre) and his gang of punks, who take them to their leader Osires (Hector Yanez), who just happens to be the Son of Satan and who for some reason knows Nelson will one day become his biggest adversary, so he'd really like to kill him now. For some reason, Nelson, a total nobody to this day, knows he will become Osires' greatest adversary as well, as apparently time goes back and forth like a jojo, thus all these premonitions and déja vus people tend to have. Anyways, Osires' plan is thwarted as the Son of Satan is apparently pretty easy to be dispatched of, and Sara proves to be very feisty fighter, pretty much enabling her own and her companions' escape. While Nelson and Laura are examining the spacecraft once more, Sara again falls into the hands of Hammerhead's gang - and is only saved by the creatures, she immediately finds herself on the run from though.

In the spacecraft, Nelson and Laura meet the alien residing over everything which is actually a human who has been grown into the spacecraft, which is not actually a spacecraft but a timecraft from the future, and its central intelligence so to speak is not just any human but Nelson himself from the future who has come back in time to warn Nelson from the present. Thing is, in the future, Nelson will (accidently) develop a killer virus which will be used by the army as ... well, killers, killers like the creatures roaming the countryside. Now to prevent that from happening, Nelson from the future has to alter the present significantly to change everything ... and after more confrontations of our heroes with Hammerhead's punks and the creatures, Nelson-from-the-future kidnaps Laura, Nelson's bride-to-be, as without her, Nelson's life would surely take a different trajectory ...

 

Beasties is pretty much your typical early 1990s direct-to-video indie shockers: Shot on a shoestring, based on a sensationalist idea but not all that thought through script (especially the subplot about the Son of Satan seems to be out of place), full of grand ideas that are not necessarily covered by the budget at hand, carried by performances that are not always above wooden level, and a few tits thrown in to iron certain things out ... but on the other hand, you can see a love for the genre, fun hommages to 1950s drive-in cinema, and a not always dead serious approach to the story at hand, all of which makes up for some of the flaws, though not all of them.

In all, far from a perfect film, even considering the budget, and I'd not even call this a good low buget genre flick ... but some fun to watch all the same.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
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to the weirdly romantic,
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the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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