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Bling
USA 2019
directed by Christian Robert Varley
starring Christian Robert Varley, Ralph Romeo, Byrne Davis, Polina Gorman, Stephen Varley, Benny Black, Everett Howell, Jamie Swartz, Chip Moore, Peg Moore Maioriello, Yan Kirik, Bailey Mccann, Carolyn Faye Kramer, Erica Hammond, Alia Lorae, Joshua Varley, Mark Clarke, Mike Altair, Jason Varley, Cara Yannotti, Samantha Sugarman, Julianne Angelo, Luis Santos, Erjan Aktar, Steve Sugarman
written by Christian Robert Varley, music by Dawoud Kringle
short
review by Mike Haberfelner
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Russia, several years ago: Chris is having a lovely picnic with his
girlfriend, when she playfully lures him into the woods - where she's
attacked by a vampire, and when he tries to interfere, he's put under a
spell that makes him forget everything. In the now, Chris has since
moved to New York City where he has become a rapper named Bling - and he
has become entangled with all the infights inherent in the rap game - and
suddenly all sorts of weird people show up on his doorstep, some vampires
wanting to lure him to Transylvania, some psychics warning him of the
trip, and others providing him with crosses to carry to ward off vampires.
But Bling being a wisecracking oaf, he fails to make heads or tails of it. And
so, on his European tour, Bling, his new girlfriend, and his crew somehow
find themselves stranded at a Transylvanian castle, teeming with vampires
and other oddballs, and even Bling's vampirized girlfriend from the
opening, and the odds are stacked severely against our heroes ... Now
it's without a doubt that much love went into making this movie, and the
actors all seem to have the time of their lives - and that said, Bling
just isn't a good film. On the technical side of things it hardly rises
beyond amateur level, while the script really seems to be all over the
place and really lacks stringency. Sure, it's somehow charming how this
film evokes Monogram
horror comedies from the 1940s, what with its wisecracking protagonist who
just bungles his way through the story, but that's not enough to make this
a good movie I'm afraid.
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review © by Mike Haberfelner
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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes, cuddly toys and shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill Your Bones to is all of that.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle,
all thought up by the twisted mind of screenwriter and film reviewer Michael Haberfelner.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to
the new anthology by Michael Haberfelner
Out now from Amazon!!! |
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