Vinnie (Joe Spinell) is a poor soul, a mama's boy and New York cab driver who dreams of becoming a movie director and one day directing Jana Bates (Caroline Munro), a horror actress he is obsessed about in an almost unhealthy way, without any chance of course to ever meet her. Yet he travels to the Cannes film festival to get in touch with her ... but basically, he's jsut stalking her.

Jana Bates is a well-known horror actress who might actually become the first performer to ever receive a palm d'or for a horror movie in Cannes. Yet several days before the award ceremony, strange things start to happen. First it's her manager and ex-husband Brett Bates (Greg Jacobson) whom she finds dead in his hotel room, but when the police arrives, his body is gone. After that, several of Jana's acquaintances in the movie world turn up dead as well. But what really scares Jana shitless is when Vinnie, her biggest fan, shows up in her hotel room when she has jsut taken a bath and is dressed in a towel, and he seems to be threatening her. Could Vinnie be the killer?

Eventually, Jana and her boyfriend (Judd Hamilton) leave cannes to live in a nearby castle and not return until the awards ceremony, but Vinnie has no problems tracking them down and even gain access to the castle despite Jana's newly hired bodyguards (John Hamilton, Luke Walker), who only just manage to chase him off the premises before he can get to Jana.

At the awards ceremony, Jana's boyfriend plans to substitute her with a body double (Tammy Hamilton) to confuse the killer, who has obviously picked Jana as his next victim ... but Vinnie has long grown wise to their little ploy, as he kidnaps the real Jana, takes her back to the (now deserted) castle, where he impales her ... but wait, it was all just a special effect, done for Vinnie's camera, and with the shot in the bag, he plans to let her go ... when the real killer shows up, none other than oproducer and ex-hubby Brett Bates himself, who faked his own death to get rid of all those who he thinks have wronged him in one sweep, using slightly mad Vinnie as the perfect fall guy, and now he wants to have his revenge on his ex ... however, to kill her, he has to get rid of Vinnie first, and Vinnie has a chainsaw.

In the end of course, the killer gets his just desserts while Vinnie gets his movie with Jana Bates ...

Rather routine and cheaply made little slasher that clumsily uses its Cannes-locations to add some extra production value to its goings-on, but that is held together by a creepy, deranged performance by Joe Spinell and a nice plottwist at the end that reveals him as the hero of the film for a change. Most of the 1980's style pop music on the other hand is almost unbearable, and as good as Caroline Munro might look otherwise, her partly bleached unusually big hair is a big turn-off.

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
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special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

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Robots and rats,
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love and death and everything in between,
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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

Out now from
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