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Made in China

Ninja in the Claws of the CIA
Kung Fu Emanuelle / In the Claws of the CIA / Kung Fu Leung Strikes Emanuelle / In den Klauen des CIA / Ninja vs. the USA / Ninja vs. the CIA

Hong Kong/Spain 1982
produced by
John Liu Film International, Bermudez de Castro, Este Films
directed by John Liu
starring John Liu, Casanova Wong, Roger Paschy, Mirta Miller, Cheng Bik-Lin, Gam Biu, Raquel Evans, José María Blanco, Martín Garrido, Christian Anders, Víctor Israel, J.M. Vendrell, John Ladalski, Danny Lee
written by John Liu, music by Christian Anders

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Ok, if this synopsis doesn't make perfect sense, sorry, but ...

Well, thing is, the CIA want to get their hands on a Russian martial artist who has based his skills on self hypnosis (why do they want him?), but he is shot when he tries to defect to the West. But no need to worry, there is a martial arts teacher in the USA, John Liu, who has the same skills as the Russian guy. Problem is, he's a pacifist. So he is somehow "persuaded" by his army vet brother James (also John Liu) and the CIA's own martial arts expert Sanders (German "schlager"-star Christian Anders).

John doesn't like it at the CIA training camp though, and nobody seems to trust him (so why did they bring him in in the first place?). Especially one high-ranking officer, Pascho (Roger Paschy), meets John with open distain, figuring a civilian can't do a military job ... and that despite John clobbers him again and again and again. Anyways, John falls in love with Caroline (Mirta Miller), a CIA computer expert, and the two of them escape with some incriminating documents to secure their safety. Caroline is shot during their escape nevertheless.

John hides in Paris out in the open with his new girlfriend Gisete (Raquel Evans), and he seems to be untouchable because of his web of spies. So the CIA, led by Pascho of course, kills everybody close to him, and ultimately Gisete.

John asks his brother James for help, and eventually James is killed in his stead. This is the last straw, as now John takes the fight to his enemies, first finishing of Pascho in a ceramics shop, then taking out what seems to be the entire CIA on an airfield, finally "losing" his briefcase full of incriminating documents to the CIA big boss ... only, the briefcase contains a bomb, and as bombs do, this goes "boom"!

 

Pretty much a low budget blend of James Bond and Bruce Lee, this is a rather ridiculous little movie that suffers first and foremost from a script that's based on a stupid premise and seems to be going nowhere in particular, but is filled with silly scenes, like one where a sexy female CIA agent tries to seduce John during a martial arts session, or the final duel between Pascho and John that's set in a ceramics shop for the sole reason to smash lots of ceramics. Add to that rather mediocre martial arts, a rather sloppy directorial effort and a not-all-that-special cast and you've got ... well, something to giggle about at least.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

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Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
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a collection of short stories and mini-plays
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screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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