You have only recently released your film Colonel Kill
Motherfuckers. Can you tell us in a few short phrases what the movie's
Thanks for taking the time to interview me! Pardon
if I stray from the topics at hand, I happen to be getting a Brazilian
butt massage from two underage Italian blond boys at the moment, and my
train of thought tends to stray under these circumstances.
Colonel Kill is a slasher comedy about a group of role playing
nerds who find themselves being relentlessly stalked by a maniac army
veteran who's been resurrected from his grave by his insane voodoo magic
wielding mother. But as any Hack Minion knows, the plot of a Hack
Movie takes a back seat to all the offensive situations and humor that run
rampant through our pictures. Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
The 64 Dollar Question: Where can you get the
Hack Movies is a ruthless, underground film
company, we don't give a fuck who we piss off or offend, and accordingly
we don't even bother wasting our time with conventional distribution
methods. You won't find us in Blockbuster or Best Buy. No,
you can find our flicks at HackMovies.com
at the weak little price tag of $9.99, postage paid! We also travel the
country doing horror conventions and festivals, and we've always got a
grip of movies and merch with us to sell along with tons of free swag!
As I understand it, the film is pretty bloody
and violent, but it does definitely have an ironic edge. What can you tell
us about that ?
We make offensive comedy with horror
themes. Irony doesn't play as much a part in our films as say, dick and
fart jokes, incest, cannibalism, scat, masturbation, salad tossing, etc.
You know, good, wholesome family fun!
Who came up with the great title, Colonel
Kill Motherfuckers, and how does one come up with a title like that ?
titles for our films, along with our promotion, our trailers, our promo
videos on Youtube, all of it, have one thing in common: They're
offensive as hell! In this sterile corporate run economy, everyone is
afraid to piss anyone off, so we fill that niche. Hack Movies jump
out and smack you right in the bitch face like your punk ass deserves!
can you tell us about the actors in the film ?
are all imported from Indo-somolian slave labor camps. We try to recruit
them at about age 8 or 9, when they're still nice and trainable, before
silly thoughts such as freedom and basic human rights start to creep into
their heads. And they're just so darn cute!
(or hard) is it to get actors and actresses for a film called Colonel
Kill Motherfuckers ? I imagine many would be turned away when hearing
the title alone.
Our crew of dedicated actor persons are
die hard Hack Minions and relish every second of our ruthless-ass
underground flick pieces. Besides, if they balked at a title of mine, I'd
just whip them in the face with my chain mace and send them back to the
hole for another month long stay in isolation with just crusty stale bread
and piss-water to drink. Ungrateful sons of bitches!
Basically, your film is a slasher
movie. Is this a genre especially dear to you ?
Not in the
least. Every Hack Movie is a spoof of some kind of horror genre plot
device. Dream Reaper was a spoof on the Freddy-movies,
Dead Shit was a spoof on Zombie movies, and Colonel Kill is
a spoof of Slasher movies.
you answer to people who accuse you of featuring gratuitous violence in
the film ?
People who would accuse me of such things can
fuck themselves with their own asses, the Hack Minions on the other
hand, our die hard fanbase, fucking love the shit out of our gratuitous
sex and violence, and we aim to please!
Are there any special movies that have
influenced Colonel Kill Motherfuckers in whatever way ?
Jeremy's Casting Couch was a big influence. So was Vomitorium.
Oh and Rocco's Fashonistas.
film's homepage and/or mySpace and/or whatever else ?
can find everything you want to know about Colonel Kill and all the
other Hack Movies at HackMovies.com,
Bitches can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
with pictures of their nipple pieces and buttholes too. Dudes, you can
also email me, but don't waste my time unless you're including pics of
your bitch's nipple pieces or buttholes.
Kill Motherfuckers was not your first movie though. What can you tell
us about your older movies, starting with Dead Shit ? Also could
you say a few words about that film's main characters Nixon and Hogan ?
Nixon and Hogan are some Fresh ass thugs who bumble their way through
Strangeville fighting all sorts of heinous super natural creatures of
various cock and titty sizes. Dead Shit was their first adventure
where they fight zombies and big titty she-bitches and smoke a grip of
weed. We're doing a Christmas special with Nixon and Hogan this year,
don't sleep on that!
about Dream Reaper ?
Dream Reaper is about
the most metal metal band ever, Dream Reaper, getting stalked and
fucking murdered by a crazy ass sleep demon. Highlights include all 8
characters, including the Dream Reaper himself, jerking off, as well as
tons of gratuitous violence and gore that the Minions come to expect from
a Hack Movie.
To my understanding, It
Came from my Pants is not released yet. What can you tell us about
that film and when will it be out ?
Pants is on deck. We'll
be filming it this summer. It's a love story, with a carnivorous, flesh
eating penis monster. Peep it this fall with your eyeball pieces.
Any other films I
have forgotten to mention ?
Nah, that's our shit, we've got
all types of movies coming over over the next couple of years though, keep
checking out HackMovies.com
for all the gory details!
How did you get started
making movies in the first place ?
I started off filming my
older sister gang banging black dudes when she thought I was at school.
Which means I didn't get a very good education, or a lot of experience
with conventional filmmaking techniques for that matter. But I did develop
an unhealthy obsession with big black monster dicks.
and/or films have influenced you ?
John Waters, Lloyd
Kaufman, Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson, Charles Band, Rodney Moore, John
"Buttman" Stagliano, and Seymore Butts. The list goes on and on.
Basically if you've made a flick that pushes the boundaries of good taste
and socially reedemable qualities, I probably dig your shit.
You seem to be a big
horror fan. What do you think about the state the genre's in these days,
both on the mainstream and the independent sector ?
is fucked. That's all that needs to be said about that. Indie horror is
fucked. Straight-to-video Lionsagate bullshit ain't the answer
people! Make some original art for fuck sake! Fuck easy money, you're
making SHIT! Get out there and film some classics! Texas
Chainsaw Massacre didn't star 20 washed up Z level convention
actors! That's fucking stupid! You're lame! Drink Bleach!
current films you have really liked ?
Goo Girls 15 was pretty good. The second scene is this bitch who
gets picked up on the side of the road after Rodney convinces her she
needs to take a picture of him for his online girlfriend. Before long he's
got her taking pictures of his 11 inch uncut man-dong and is shoving it
down her throat right there in his van! The facial at the end is kinda
weak, but the rest of the scene is hot.
... and of course
your all-time favourites ?
Pretty typical I guess:
series, Brain Dead, Bad Taste, Meet the
Feebles, Night of
the Creeps, Monster Squad, Gremlins, Ghostbusters,
Pink Flamingos, Female Trouble, Desperate Living, They
Live, Big Trouble in Little China, The Golden Child.
I love offensive horror comedy.
Films you have really
Uh, pretty much any horror movie you can pick up
off the new release section from Blockbuster. Are you fuckers
really proud of yourselves for making this nonsense? I mean seriously, Asylum,
how the fuck do you people sleep at night?
Any future projects ? What can fans expect
next from Kevin Strange and Hack Movies ?
gonna be cranking out trashy, offensive, Horror Comedy for years and years
to come, DON'T SLEEP ON HACK MOVIES BITCHES!
we go, could you give us a few words about your sidekick, the Pumpkin
The Pumpkin Monster and I are going through a
bitter lawsuit concerning our use of his image in our promotion, so I'm
not legally allowed to discuss him at this time. It's sort of like
Meatloaf and his song writer, Jim Steinman. A real love/hate relationship,
but he gives good blowjobs, so fuck it, it's all good I guess.
Anything else I have forgotten to ask but you
are just dieing to tell us ?
Yeah, what the fuck are you
people waiting for? Hit up HackMovies.com
and buy yourselves some fucking merch! Get you some Disks for just $9.99!
Those bitches contain 3 or 4 hours of special features, including multiple
audio commentaries, behind the scenes videos, blooper reels, music videos,
trailers for other Hack Movies, pictures of my dick, and much much
Thanks for the interview !
It was my pleasure. These Italian boys are almost done with my
butt massage, which one you think I should fuck first?