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Bikini Girls on Ice

Canada 2009
produced by
Geoff Klein, Jeff Ross, Natalino Lattanzio for BGOI Films
directed by Geoff Klein
starring Cindel Chartrand, Danielle Doetsch, William Jarand, Suzi Lorraine, Christina Sciortino, Caroline Faille, Tarek Gader, Kerri Taylor, Ivan Peric, Sandy Greig, Michael Aaron, Pierre Lefebvre, Gigi Hébert, Christina Gentile, Michele Malone, Melissa Paulson, Matt Turner
written by Geoff Klein, Jeff Ross, music by Benjamin Beladi, Micheal Vickerage, special effects makeup by Marie Ashley Nelson

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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A group of girls want to set up a bikini carwash on the beach, but their bus breaks down at an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere on the way, so they decide to set up the carwash right there - and believe it or not, they get customers, too.

Problem is, the gas station is not quite as abandoned as it seems on first sight, there is a killer (William Jarand) on the prowl on the premises who ... well, he just kills people and puts them on ice, there is no explanation given, there's no extra layer to him.

Based on my synopsis so far, you can pretty much guess how the rest of the film is going to unfold: The gorgeous but intellectual and virtuous blonde (Cindel Chartrand) survives the ordeal and is allowed to leave the place as the sole survivor, her brunette and slightly slutty but good-natured friend (Danielle Doetsch) also makes it pretty far, as does the honest guy who blondie falls in love with (Ivan Peric) and the head bitch (Christina Sciortino) of the whole story to at least add some colour to the proceedings. The rest of the cast though is just cannon fodder.

And I guess this sums up the film pretty nicely.

Ah yeah, and gorgeous Suzi Lorraine has a guest spot as the first girl being killed in the pre-credit sequence.

 

Ok, I admit I'm a sucker for catchy titles, and without a doubt, Bikini Girls on Ice is one of them, as it suggests a no budget bag of weird sleaze no less - what we get instead though is a low budget run-of-the-mill slasher movie that pretty much lacks in all departments, there is no good story here, no build-up of tension or suspense, there are no memorable characters or convincing performances by the cast, and the directorial effort is functional at best. Even the entire female cast running around in bikinis for most of the time doesn't really cut it.

To put it bluntly, the film is pretty boring, to say the least.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD