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Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros

USA 2010
produced by
Kimberly A. Ray, Fred Olen Ray (executive) for Retromedia
directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
starring Christine Nguyen, Heather Vandeven, Rebecca Love, Frenkie Cullen, Tony Marino (= Billy Chappell), Brynn Tyler, Ted Newsom, Jayden Cole
written by Fred Olen Ray

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Archeologist Dr Jones (Christine Nguyen) is hired by the CIA to find the Tiara of Moronica, a tiara that would make its bearer the most powerful ... something. Unfortunately, evil Evilla Cruella (Heather Vandeven) has the same idea. Now Dr Jones might be several steps ahead of her, but her sidekick Carol (Rebecca Love) is actually working for Evilla. So after much to and fro which almost invariably ends in sexual intercourse, Evilla lures Dr Jones into a trap and captures her - but Dr Jones is easily persuaded to join Evilla, which leads to, you guessed it, more sex. Then though Dr Jones and her partner Mark (Tony Marino) find the Temple of Eros where the tiara is hidden, and once they have found the tiara, Evilla and her partner Drago (Frankie Cullen) force them to give it up at gunpoint ... when CIA boss Martin (Ted Newsom) enters the scene - in a dress. He forces Evilla to give up the tiara at gunpoint and, in an unexpected twist, crowns himself Queen of the Morons - but upon leaving the temple, he is eaten by the dinosaur guarding it ...


Nothing great, but a fun softcore sex flick, in which the cast seems to be really in on the joke, and at least some of the actors (especially Christine Nguyen, Heather Vandeven and Ted Newsom) manage to deliver really funny performances. That said, the movie could have done with a little more (non-sexual) action to really take off, and some sex scenes could actually have been dropped for the sake of narrative flow (not that I complain about any of the girls though who are uniformly cute in this one).

Still, might work pretty well as a party movie.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD