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Ralph (Michael R.Thomas) runs a run-down little strip club in the
middle of nowhere, and to keep it from taken over by neighbourhood bitch
Teresa (Julian Wells), he gets into a bit of drugdealing. What he hasn't
taken into account though is that the Marihuana that has just been
delivered to him is actually from a gouvernment lab and is infested by
bizarre bugs which love to suck blood ... and of course, before you know
it, the bugs have escaped the crate the Marihuana is kept in and bite
Ralph's tough-as-nails waitress Gina (Sylvianne Chebance), who first turns
into a zombielike klutz and later into a raving lesbian. Soon too, the
bugs have bitten Teresa, who suddenly turns first into a stripper then
into a raving lesbian as well ... and before long, Gina and Teresa become
inseperable.
It doesn't take Ralph long to realize that a club full of bugs is bad
for business, so he hires retarded exterminator Buzz (Rob Monkiewicz) to
solve his little problem - but when Buzz sprays the bugs with insectizide,
he only makes them grow ... Oh, and a mad (ex-)agent from the DEA (John
P.Fedele) doesn't exactly make things easier too.
Eventually, the bugs bite one of Ralph's strippers, Crystal (Misty
Mundae), and to everyone's surprise, Crystal doesn't turn into a raving
lesbian but into an action heroine, and together with Buzz and with the
help of guns, dynamite and whatever else there is, the two of them kill
the bugs including several bug-mutants - even if that means to blow up the
whole stripjoint - and save the very few remaining survivors.
All's well that ends well ?
In a way, but the last scene shows a bug emerge from the strip-joint's
rubble that is as big as a house ...
Erika Smith and Caitlin Ross play strippers, one a total klutz (Smith)
and one totally spaced out (Ross).
At times, Bite Me ! is really a fun film - a B-movie about a
bug-invasion including several mutants and the like can't be all bad,
especially if it refuses to take itself seriously -, but ultimately the
film fails on the story- and character-level. Somehow the story just
refuses to come together, it's just a sequence of story elements, some of
which are pretty good while others suck, but being placed next to each
other, they lack coherence. And the characters totally fail to come to
life, on one hand they are completely one-dimensional, on the other they
seem to totally change without warning (why is Misty suddenly an action
heroine, why is the doofus exterminator suddenly a walking encyclopedia,
how does the DEA-agent fit into the story, why is Gina introduced as
tough-as-nails fighter only to later not exploit her talents, ...).
Another thing that is wrong with the film is the lack of suspense, after
all this is a horror flick - even if it's done tongue-in-cheek -, yet it
seriously lacks tension, and the indifferent music doesn't help one bit
either ...
This all said, Bite Me ! isn't all bad, taken as an
intentionally silly, old fashioned shocker about killer bugs, it's at
least at times fun to watch, and it's a lot less embarrassing than many
comparable big Hollywood pictures made for (at least) 100 times the budget
... just do not expect anything too great either.
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