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UK 2020
produced by
Rebecca Matthews, Scott Jeffrey, Keith Leopard (executive) for Proportion Productions
directed by Scott Jeffrey
starring Georgina Jane, Michael Owusu, Abi Casson Thompson, Ali Barouti, Bao Tieu, Sarah T. Cohen, Georgie Banks, Kelly Juvilee, Jake Watkins, Adrian Bouchet, Nicola Wright, Jon Callaway, Jake Francis, Megan Lockhurst, Hannah Ponting, Leyla Hart, Clive Cohen
written by Scott Jeffrey, music by Markus Siegel, special makeup effects by Claire Haxell-White, Chelsea Murphy, monster creator/designer: David Foxley

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Available on DVD !

To buy, click on link(s) below and help keep this site afloat

Always make sure of DVD-compatibility !!!

Faye (Georgina Jane) isn't the most popular kid in her school, and thus more often than not on the butt end of the school's Miss Popularity Elise (Sarah T. Cohen) and her cronies' pranks that pretty much amount to bullying. But she's especally embarrassed when she's led to believe Mr Jones (Michael Owusu), the young teacher she has a schoolgirl crush on, loves her back and she thus tries to kiss him - and the rejection isn't what hits quite as hard as the fact that Elise and company have caught it all on their mobile phones and play it in class the next day - which tends to be Valentine's Day. This leads first to a fistfight that gets both Faye and Elise as well as Elise's friends (George Banks, Kelly Juvilee, Jake Watkins) as well as Faye's best friend Matt (Ali Barouti) detention, but also to Faye, who still feels wronged, summon Cupid (Bao Tieu) using a spell from an old black magic book she tends to carry. But this Cupid is not the Angel of Love we've come to know him as, but a hateful demon who has made it his business to destroy love wherever he can find it. And so all of a sudden, the detained kids along with their teachers Mr Jones and Ms Drake (Abi Casson Thompson), who have a romance going on, find themselves on the run from a vengeful demon who likes to kill in gruesome, romance-themed ways. And of course, before long they all notice they're locked inside the school and have to make it to the end of Valentine's Day to surive - which is a tall order fighting a supernatural being who has powers they're not even aware of ...


Sure, in essence this is a slasher movie, and one that doesn't deviate too far from the formula, either, so after the set-up, much of the film's plot as such is easily guessable. What makes the film though is that it doesn't take itself too seriously: Sure, the film is as bloody as you'd expect from a movie of its ilk, but it's also totally aware that its central creature is pretty ridiculous, and the romance-themed killings are darkly humourous rather than gruesome. And there's plenty to chuckle on top of that, even in the most inappropriate scenes - which comes across as weirdly fitting though. And add to all of this a solid cast who are in on the joke but play it strange, and you've got a very decent slasher that might even appeal to people who aren't at all into the genre.


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD