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Curse of Pirate Death

USA 2006
produced by
David S. Sterling, Darrin Ramage (executive), Mitch Toles (associate) for Brain Damage
directed by Dennis Devine
starring Dana Marsh, Drew Roy, Sally Mullins, Randal Malone, Ron Jeremy, Mitch Toles, Stacy Michelle Gold (= Stacy Glassgold), Denisse Bon, Monte Hunter, Syn DeVil, Sally Fay Dalton, Julia Galasso, Elizabeth Di Prinzio, Tiffany Bordelon, Rebekah Brandes, Michael Gonzalez, Gerard J.Reyes
story by Jeremiah Campbell, screenplay by Jeremiah Campbell, Steve Jarvis, music by Ghost, special effects by Mitch Toles, special makeup effects by Elizabeth Silverman

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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They say there is a treasure buried at Pirate Point, a pirate treasure of course, but the ghost of Captain Death (Mitch Toles) will come back from the dead and kill whoever tries to steal his treasure.

Pirate Point, it should also be pointed out, is also the top party locationfor local kids, and that's just fine - unless they are to find as much as a doubloon of the Captain's treasure. As of late though, Professor Blackhart (Sally Mullins) of the local college has created some interest in the pirate treasure among her students, pretty much to encourage them to find the treasure for her - but her students are soon slaughtered by the pirate, and she doesn't escape his wrath, either. Only one of the students seems to have an advantage over the other, the slightly psychic Lilli (Dana Marsh), who seems to be the reincarnation of Pirate Death's girlfriend, the witch Elaina - and Lilli and her boyfriend finally succeed in destroying Pirate Death for good ...

Porn legend Ron Jeremy has an extended cameo as a professor walking through the countryside to look for students who want their grades improved via extracurricular activities - and if you're thinking something naughty right now ... yes.

 

On paper, this might sound like your typical slasher movie, maybe one with an extra dose of stupidity, and neither the too-low-for-its-own-good budget nor the many plottwists borrowed from porn movies sound to encouraging, either ... but somehow, the movie makes everything work. Basically, it knows it's silly, has fun with its porn-like interludes (like when Professor Black strips one of her students [Syn DeVil] to her panties and tickles her with a feather just to discipline her), uses excuses to show topless nudity that are so in-your-face it's hilarious, and at the same time, it keeps its story from being too predictable (within genre confines though).

Now don't get me wrong, this movie is by no means a masterpiece, there are way better slasher movies out there, maybe even funnier porn movies, but this one is able proof that you can make very much out of very little. If you're at all into micro budget indie horrors, I'd even recommend this one.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

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Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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