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Deadly Weapons

USA 1973
produced by
Doris Wishman for Juri Productions
directed by Doris Wishman
starring Chesty Morgan, Harry Reemes, Greg Reynolds (= Gaylord St.John), Denise Purcell, Saul Meth, Phillip Stahl, Mitchell Fredericks, John McMohon, Kurt Brandt, Louis Burdi, Donny Lee, Nat Perogine

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Larry (Greg Reynolds), a small time crook, tries to be just a little bit too smart for his own good when he starts running a tidy little extortion scheme without cutting his boss in on him. So the boss sends 2 kilelrs, Tony (HArry Reemes) & Hook to bump him off ... right when he's on the phone with his very big-breasted (& I mean very) girlfriend Crystal (Chesty Morgan). So she hears him being killed, but in a lengthy conversation besides Larry's dead body, the 2 also give away where they will be hiding out, without ever realizing the phone's off the hook.

So at first, Crystal flies to Vegas, where Hook is staying, & since she knows he loves burlesque dancers, she takes on a job as stripper, & soon enough he sees her show & asks her to his table. She persuades him to take her to his room, drugs his drink & smothers him with her enormous tits (now that's a way of dieing).

Then it's off to Miami, where Tony is staying. But getting to Tony is not quite as easy, since he has brought his girlfriend Eve (Denise Purcell), & the 2 of them seem to be happy in love, those bastards. So Crystal somehow makes Eve jealous (but it eludes me how), & somehow that triggers Tony's homicidal streak (this one eludes me, too) & he strangles her. Then he goes to Crystal's room for a healthy session of lovemaking (nothing relieves stress better than making love to a beautiful woman). Ultimately though, she hands him one of these drugged drinks too, then uses her giant mammaries to smother him as well ...

Back home though Crystal  is in for a real shock, the boss behind Tony, Hook, & Larry's assassination is her own father, 6 when she threatens to call the police, he cold-bloodedly shoots her. But before she breathes her last, she pulls a gun out of nowhere & shoots him as well ...

 

This might actually come closest to being a sexploitation-gimmick-film, the sole excuse for the movie is that the lead actres has really enormous boobs, & I don't mean fairly big or even Russ-Meyer-big, I mean way bigger & then some (size 73 it was reported). Now get me right, I don't find her knockers beautiful, nor do most men I dare say, & the actress attached to these tits can't work shit, neither can anyone else in the cast, plus the dialogue is horrendous & the direction is rather amateurish ...

... yet I am reluctant to simply dismiss all of this as incompetence. As often with Doris Wishman's films, this one has a certain triplike otherworldly feeling: Silly dialogue, a camera that at times deliberately shows things with little or no connection to the film or keeps the main event out of focus, garish colours, takes inexplicably shot through tinted filters & incredible 1970's interior design all make up for an unreal feeling that seems to suck its audience through a timewarp to the 1970's of a parallel universe thast can only be reached in Doris Wishman films.

Of course you have to keep a very open mind for this experience, & still might hate it, but maybe, just maybe, you will be able to reach that strange place & will be able to enjoy it ... well wow, regarded this way, Deadly Weapons almost sounds like a religion ... & maybe it is, & only very few of us understood. But maybe I'm just stupid.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD