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Larry (Greg Reynolds), a small time crook, tries to be just a little
bit too smart for his own good when he starts running a tidy little
extortion scheme without cutting his boss in on him. So the boss sends 2
kilelrs, Tony (HArry Reemes) & Hook to bump him off ... right when
he's on the phone with his very big-breasted (& I mean very)
girlfriend Crystal (Chesty Morgan). So she hears him being killed, but in
a lengthy conversation besides Larry's dead body, the 2 also give away
where they will be hiding out, without ever realizing the phone's off the
hook. So at first, Crystal flies to Vegas, where Hook is staying, &
since she knows he loves burlesque dancers, she takes on a job as
stripper, & soon enough he sees her show & asks her to his table.
She persuades him to take her to his room, drugs his drink & smothers
him with her enormous tits (now that's a way of dieing). Then it's off
to Miami, where Tony is staying. But getting to Tony is not quite as easy,
since he has brought his girlfriend Eve (Denise Purcell), & the 2 of
them seem to be happy in love, those bastards. So Crystal somehow makes
Eve jealous (but it eludes me how), & somehow that triggers Tony's
homicidal streak (this one eludes me, too) & he strangles her. Then he
goes to Crystal's room for a healthy session of lovemaking (nothing
relieves stress better than making love to a beautiful woman). Ultimately
though, she hands him one of these drugged drinks too, then uses her giant
mammaries to smother him as well ... Back home though Crystal is
in for a real shock, the boss behind Tony, Hook, & Larry's
assassination is her own father, 6 when she threatens to call the police,
he cold-bloodedly shoots her. But before she breathes her last, she pulls
a gun out of nowhere & shoots him as well ... This might
actually come closest to being a sexploitation-gimmick-film, the sole
excuse for the movie is that the lead actres has really enormous boobs,
& I don't mean fairly big or even Russ-Meyer-big, I mean way bigger
& then some (size 73 it was reported). Now get me right, I don't find
her knockers beautiful, nor do most men I dare say, & the actress
attached to these tits can't work shit, neither can anyone else in the
cast, plus the dialogue is horrendous & the direction is rather
amateurish ... ... yet I am reluctant to simply dismiss all of this as
incompetence. As often with Doris Wishman's films, this one has a certain
triplike otherworldly feeling: Silly dialogue, a camera that at times
deliberately shows things with little or no connection to the film or
keeps the main event out of focus, garish colours, takes inexplicably shot
through tinted filters & incredible 1970's interior design all make up
for an unreal feeling that seems to suck its audience through a timewarp
to the 1970's of a parallel universe thast can only be reached in Doris
Wishman films. Of course you have to keep a very open mind for this
experience, & still might hate it, but maybe, just maybe, you will be
able to reach that strange place & will be able to enjoy it ... well
wow, regarded this way, Deadly Weapons almost sounds like a
religion ... & maybe it is, & only very few of us understood. But
maybe I'm just stupid.
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