Die You Zombie Bastards!
Haig Demarjian, Caleb Emerson, Ken Cmar (executive), Leland T. Hart (executive) for Zombastic Productions
directed by Caleb Emerson
starring Tim Gerstmar, Geoff Mosher, Pippi Zornoza, Jamie Gillis, Hasil Adkins, Jennifer K.Beal, Sadie Blades, Zhana LaRenard, Joseph James, Sandra Kennedy, Lon E.Plynton, Doug Williams, Flash Organ, Ladi Da, Robert Busher, Kevin Umbricht, Caleb Emerson, Tuck Emerson-Snyder, Lloyd Kaufman, Jason 'King' Kendall, Grimlocke, Lisa J.Natanson, Dave Faria, Sarah McLauighlin, Daniel Strange, Claudio Arsenio, Andrew Aherne, Laura Reinhard, Alexander Demarjian, Eric Richardson, Dan St.Jacques, Tinso Ymecaf, Ivan Ecinmub, Anna Snyder, Jillian Shamberger, Louise DeCurtis, Kim Sykes, John Bereiweriso, Kik Skakel Williams, Rufus LeChien, Rachel Knutton, Alice Oglethorpe, Jessica Demarjian, Ken Cmar, Haig Demarjian
written by Haig Demarjian, Caleb Emerson, music by Christopher Beal, Paul Leary, Tony Milano, Smokey Miles, Ian Ross, special effects by Caleb Emerson, visual effects by Daniel Strange, sea monster design by Warren Benett
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Red (Tim Gerstmar) is the happiest serialkiller/cannibal you can
imagine, basically because he has found a wife, Violet (Pippi Zornoza) who
shares his interests 100% - but then evil Baron Nefarious (Geoff Mosher)
kidnaps Violet because he sees the perfect woman in her (not that he
doesn't think she still needs a breast job and gills for better
deepthroating though), the woman he wants to rule the world with after
it's been overrun by his zombie army.
So what does Red do?
He puts on
his new superhero suit (complete with a cape made from human skin and a
penis to wear on the outside) and goes on a quest for her, a quest that
leads him to the land of eternal sunshine, Sweden (which for some reason
is somewhere in Australia), where women just love to show their boobs, and
to barowner Super Inga (Sandra Kennedy), whose nipples were disfigured by
cheese fondue, and later round the world meeting all sorts of weird
characters and always guided by his alien guide Stavros (porn legend Jamie
Gillis), until after training and advice from an eccentric rockabilly star
(Hasil Adkins) and his own father he tracks Nefarious down to the Bermuda
Triangle. In the finale, Nefarious throws everything he has gut at Red,
including his zombies, ninjas and disobedient dog men, however (and I
don't think that's much of a spoiler) good prevails in the end, with Red
freeing not only Violet but also the sidekick he never knew he even had
(Doug Williams), while Nefarious gets what has been coming to him.
in the end Red is arrested for his serialkilling past - hey, you don't get
away with everything just because you just saved the world, right?
the title Die You Zombie Bastards! alone might not suggest a
brainheavy discussion about the afterlife as such - but the movie hiding
behind that title is pure madness. It's probably best described as Troma
on speed - and that's saying something, right? I mean, this film is so
full of sick jokes, rubber penises, outbursts of senseless violence and
intentional leaps of reason - quite despite of the silliest reasons for
women to bare their breasts -, that even someone like me is hard-pressed
to find something to properly compare it to. Also, the film doesn't give a
ratfart about narrative consistency - and that's actually part of Die
You Zombie Bastards!' actual strength: Despite being a film flooded
with genre clichées of all sorts, this is not a formula movie, but a
movie that has set out to have fun and to offend, and to have fun
offending. Which brings me full circle again, because the best way to
describe the film: It's pure madness!
Be warned though, this is not for
everyone, especially not those with a weak stomach, a faint heart, or
those who are offended easily. But those blessed with a few mates and a
few beers will have no problems enjoying this one!
review © by Mike Haberfelner
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