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Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You!

USA 2012
produced by
Matt Farley for Motern Media
directed by Charles Roxburgh
starring Matt Farley, Kevin McGee, Sharon Scalzo, Elizabeth M. Peterson, Jim McHugh, Kyle Kochan, Tina Kochan, Joanie Greenan, Chris Peterson, Jim Farley, Bryan Fortin, Milly Jensen, Nick Lavallee, Tiffany L'Heureux, Tom Scalzo, Jon Noble, Michelle Briand, Bill Reilly
written by Matt Farley, Charles Roxburgh, music by Matt Farley, creature design and special makeup effects by Greg Kochan

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Small Town, USA: Until a few years ago, Neil (Matt Farley) was considered the best tutor in town - and then he fell from grace when he claimed he saw the Riverbeast, a mythical monster roaming the local river. The whole thing was blown out of proportion by a shady newspaperman (Kyle Kochan) and actually led to Neil being left by his wife-to-be Emmaline (Elizabeth M. Peterson) on wedding day. Neil has subsequently left town ...

Now though, Neil has returned to face his past and start anew - and it's not made very easy for him, as everybody remembers him and what he has said, and subsequently he's considered a loser - but he's still a good tutor, so he has a student in no time, unruly Allie (Sharon Scalzo) ... who soon enough takes a (purely platonic) liking in her unconventional tutor and decides to help him in his personal life and get back together with Emmaline - not an easy task, considering she's engaged to a total asshole (Nick Lavallee). Then though, murders start to happen, and since many of the victims are people who Neil holds a grudge against (including the newpaperman and Emmaline's fiancé), Neil becomes the prime suspect, and he doesn't make things any easier by putting the blame squarely on the Riverbeast - thus, Neil is arrested before too long. Allie though is convinced he didn't murder anyone, so she tries to gather evidence to prove his innocence - maybe not the best idea since there really is a Riverbeast, and it's homicidal ...


For a fan of vintage monster movies, there's plenty to like about Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You!: The lovely retro monster costume, the film's underlying (self-)irony, the intentionally stilted dialogues, the world the film paints that so closely resembles the world much of 1950's drive-in monster fare was set in, and so on and so forth.

However, Don't Let the Riverbeast Get You! is by no means a perfect film: Basically, it feels a little over-long, features quite a few too many subplots that distract from the monster-story, and somehow, the film lacks any and all edges, everything's much too harmless (even compared to 1950's drive-in standards) to really leave a lasting impression.

I'm not saying the movie's bad here, it just could have been better.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD