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Patricia (Alexandria Quinn), a door-to-door dildo-saleswoman, tries to
make some business in the local creepy castle type of place, instead she
finds an almost-finished and already very much alive artificial human,
Edward (Sikki Nixx), who has penisses where his hands are supposed to be.
After trying out Edward's advantages on scenes, she decides to take him
home with her - where it doesn't take him long to fall in love with
Patricia's daughter Susan (Jeanna Fine), who likes nothing better than to
try out the dildo samples of her mother with her friends. Unfortunately
though, Susan finds Edward gross, while all the other women in the
neighbourhood love what he has to give ... and they take it, too.
over Susan's refusal, Edward returns to his castle, but then Susan comes
to the realisation that Edward might have his possibilities, sex-wise, and
she follows him. I don't need to tell you what follows, do I?
concept of this film is pretty much explained in the title, it's a
hardcore porn-parody Edward
Scissorhands with penisses where the scissors are supposed to be
where the fingers are supposed to be. If you find this concept
particularly funny is up to you I suppose (Edward
Scissorhands-director Tim Burton himself has in an interview as
good as endorsed the movie, actually), but one thing's for certain, this
is one porn parody that has actually earned this label because it has
integrated the sex into the very story of the film instead of just tagged
sex scenes onto some sequences aping whatever movie.
By trying to pass
judgement over Edward Penishands, one can't help but admit that
director Paul Norman has obviously understood Tim Burton's satiric asides
on suburbia and tries to replicate at least some of Burton's visual
language and subtle humour on a much tighter budget, and Sikki Nixx'
Edward is pretty much spot-on, too, without being too much of a bland
Johnny Depp rip-off. And yet, at the end of the day the film is still
little more than a one-trick pony, running on the joke that its main
character has penis in place of hands, and once this novelty has worn off
and you have finished to compare the film to the original, there's little
else that makes the film special and whether or not you're going to like
it depends on how much you like the girls and the sex - which at least
makes the film pretty ok for a porn parody I guess ...