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The Gateway Meat

USA 2008
produced by
Ron DeCaro, Drew Snelson for For the Better of Mankind Productions
directed by Ron DeCaro
starring Ron DeCaro, D.Whitney, Turiba Fradoca, Riley Knispal, David Barry, Sophie Flynn
written by Ron DeCaro, music by Drew Snelson, Jeff french, Skull P, special effects by Ron DeCaro Aaron LaBonte, Ben LaBonte

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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On first look, Markus (Ron DeCaro) and Roland (D.Whitney) couldn't be more different: While Roland is a fat and single slob who snorts way too much coke, Markus is a loving family man with wife and daughter. The two men do have something in common though: They are both practising Satanists, and because of that, they are into killing and dismembering people (and Markus is such a family man that he even lets his wife and daughter participate). Eventually, Markus' father dies, and Markus and family move back into daddy's house, leaving their condo to Roland until they sell it. Markus tells Roland though not to do any killings in the condo, as the place is supposed to be clean for showings, but when he comes by to check up on the place, he finds it turned into a virutal slaughterhouse and has to work really hard to make the place presentable again. But just when he's finished, two Jehova's Witnesses stop by, and Markus simply can't pass up on the opportunity to kill them ...

Eventually, Markus thinks it's time to shoot the retard he keeps in his basement to open the gateway to hell (I think), but when he lets his little daughter do the honours, he finds out she has way more Satanic powers than he thought she would (again, I think, the film is somewhat unclear on that).

 

This is really bottom of the barrel: A film that goes out of its way to be offensive, which means there's gore galore, severed bodyparts in every other scene, foul language aplenty (even though concerning this issue, nobody came up with anything more original than the excessive use of the word fuck by all involved), and of course a highly blasphemous story. Now none of this is essentially a bad thing, it's just that writer/director Ron DeCaro totally fails to tie all these elements together and shape them into a coherent whole, it's just an endless series of cursing, killing and dismembering without much rhyme or reason, and as offensive as the film's supposed to be, as boring it actually is - I guess the overload of meanness quite simply numbs the senses, and the lack of story or at least likeable characters does little to get the viewer involved in gthe on-screen goings-on.

That all said, the undiscriminating gorehound will love the movie nevertheless because of its sheer excesssiveness, but everyone else: Stay well away!

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD