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If I Had a Million
USA 1932
produced by Emanuel Cohen for Paramount
directed by Ernst Lubitsch, Norman Taurog, Stephen Roberts, Norman Z. McLeod, James Cruze, William A. Seiter, H. Bruce Humberstone
starring Gary Cooper, Charles Laughton, George Raft, Jack Oakie, Richard Bennett, Charles Ruggles, Alison Skipworth, W.C. Fields, Mary Boland, Roscoe Karns, May Robson, Wynne Gibson, Gene Raymond, Frances Dee, Lucien Littlefield, Joyce Compton, Blanche Friderici, Dewey Robinson, Margaret Seddon
screenplay by Claude Binyon, Whitney Bolton, Malcolm Stuart Boylan, John Bright, Sidney Buchman, Lester Cole, Isabel Dawn, Boyce DeGaw, Oliver H.P. Garrett, Harvey Gates, Grover Jones, Ernst Lubitsch, Lawton Mackall, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, William Slavens McNutt, Robert Sparks, based on the story Windfall by Robert Hardy Andrews, music by John Leipold
review by Mike Haberfelner
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John Glidden (Richard Bennett) is an old rich man who'll probably not
live much longer - and suddenly he finds himself surrounded by vultures
who want his money, both family and business "friends". He
doesn't like any of them and can't stand their behaviour, so he decides to
give a million Dollars each to eight strangers he finds in the phonebook
at random:
- Henry Peabody (Charles Ruggles) works at a China shop, but has the
tendency to drop things - and the broken China is deducted month after
month from his paycheck, leaving him rather strapped for money. So
with the million in hand, his first way is to the shop to smash
everything in it ...
- A prostitute (Wynne Gibson) uses the money to quit her job and move
into the best hotel in town.
- Eddie Jackson (George Raft) is a forger, and when he shows up with
the million Dollar cheque, nobody believes it's authentic, which puts
his life on a downward spiral.
- Emily (Alison Skipworth) and Rollo (W.C. Fields) have been caused to
have car accidents by street bullies a few times to often - so with
the money, they buy themselves several cars to crash into street
bullies.
- A man on death row (Gene Raymond) has to find out not even a full
million can buy him a new lease on life.
- Upon receiving the money, a little office clerk (Charles Laughton)
immediately sticks it to the boss.
- A marine (Gary Cooper) in detention simply cannot believe his luck,
so once he's out he thinks he makes a good deal when he
"sells" the cheque to an illiterate foodstand owner
(Lucien Littlefield), just to get a date with the man's waitress
(Joyce Compton). The date ends in a brawl that sends our marine right
back to detention, but the foodstand owner and the waitress can
finally live it up.
- Ms Walker (May Robson) don't like the way she's treated in her
retirement home, which is run like a penitentary - so with the money
she buys the place ...
Giving his money to random strangers has made John Glidden so happy
that he has found a new zest for life ... much to the dismay of the
vultures populating his premises.
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Given the many big names in cast and crew, one would expect If I Had
a Million to be a great film, or at least a movie with hints of
greatness ... but it quite simply isn't, it's more of an all-star
disaster, an anthology based on a stupid premise that never seems to find
its own voice, so it alternates between comedy and drama, with some of the
episodes not containing any narrative to speak of at all (like those with
the prostitute and the office clerk), while others (like the death row
story or the one about the forger) trying to hard to hammer home their
point, or are to foreseeable in their happy ending (like the one about the
retirement home). The funniest of the bunch is the carcrash with W.C.
Fields, actually, but not so much for brilliant writing or direction -
just you cannot really fail if you have W.C. Fields intentionally crashing
cars, now can you?
In all though, a major disappointment.
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review © by Mike Haberfelner
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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes, cuddly toys and shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill Your Bones to is all of that.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle,
all thought up by the twisted mind of screenwriter and film reviewer Michael Haberfelner.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to
the new anthology by Michael Haberfelner
Out now from Amazon!!! |
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