If I Had a Million

USA 1932
produced by
Emanuel Cohen for Paramount
directed by Ernst Lubitsch, Norman Taurog, Stephen Roberts, Norman Z. McLeod, James Cruze, William A. Seiter, H. Bruce Humberstone
starring Gary Cooper, Charles Laughton, George Raft, Jack Oakie, Richard Bennett, Charles Ruggles, Alison Skipworth, W.C. Fields, Mary Boland, Roscoe Karns, May Robson, Wynne Gibson, Gene Raymond, Frances Dee, Lucien Littlefield, Joyce Compton, Blanche Friderici, Dewey Robinson, Margaret Seddon
screenplay by Claude Binyon, Whitney Bolton, Malcolm Stuart Boylan, John Bright, Sidney Buchman, Lester Cole, Isabel Dawn, Boyce DeGaw, Oliver H.P. Garrett, Harvey Gates, Grover Jones, Ernst Lubitsch, Lawton Mackall, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, William Slavens McNutt, Robert Sparks, based on the story Windfall by Robert Hardy Andrews, music by John Leipold

review by
Mike Haberfelner

John Glidden (Richard Bennett) is an old rich man who'll probably not live much longer - and suddenly he finds himself surrounded by vultures who want his money, both family and business "friends". He doesn't like any of them and can't stand their behaviour, so he decides to give a million Dollars each to eight strangers he finds in the phonebook at random:

• Henry Peabody (Charles Ruggles) works at a China shop, but has the tendency to drop things - and the broken China is deducted month after month from his paycheck, leaving him rather strapped for money. So with the million in hand, his first way is to the shop to smash everything in it ...
• A prostitute (Wynne Gibson) uses the money to quit her job and move into the best hotel in town.
• Eddie Jackson (George Raft) is a forger, and when he shows up with the million Dollar cheque, nobody believes it's authentic, which puts his life on a downward spiral.
• Emily (Alison Skipworth) and Rollo (W.C. Fields) have been caused to have car accidents by street bullies a few times to often - so with the money, they buy themselves several cars to crash into street bullies.
• A man on death row (Gene Raymond) has to find out not even a full million can buy him a new lease on life.
• Upon receiving the money, a little office clerk (Charles Laughton) immediately sticks it to the boss.
• A marine (Gary Cooper) in detention simply cannot believe his luck, so once he's out he thinks he makes a good deal when he "sells" the cheque to an illiterate foodstand owner (Lucien Littlefield), just to get a date with the man's waitress (Joyce Compton). The date ends in a brawl that sends our marine right back to detention, but the foodstand owner and the waitress can finally live it up.
• Ms Walker (May Robson) don't like the way she's treated in her retirement home, which is run like a penitentary - so with the money she buys the place ...

Giving his money to random strangers has made John Glidden so happy that he has found a new zest for life ... much to the dismay of the vultures populating his premises.

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Given the many big names in cast and crew, one would expect If I Had a Million to be a great film, or at least a movie with hints of greatness ... but it quite simply isn't, it's more of an all-star disaster, an anthology based on a stupid premise that never seems to find its own voice, so it alternates between comedy and drama, with some of the episodes not containing any narrative to speak of at all (like those with the prostitute and the office clerk), while others (like the death row story or the one about the forger) trying to hard to hammer home their point, or are to foreseeable in their happy ending (like the one about the retirement home). The funniest of the bunch is the carcrash with W.C. Fields, actually, but not so much for brilliant writing or direction - just you cannot really fail if you have W.C. Fields intentionally crashing cars, now can you?

In all though, a major disappointment.

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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