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Virgin Report

West Germany 1972
produced by
Telecine/Cinerama, CCC-Filmkunst
directed by Jess Franco
starring Hans Hass jr, Howard Vernon, Christina von Blanc, Britt Nichols, Diane Winter, Ingrid Steinbach
music by Daniel J. White, Rolf Bauer

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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If the following synopsis sounds episodic (& it will), it is because the film is, it's actually nothing more than a blending of archival footage & newly shot cenes in no particular order - but all having to do with the virginity, & - more prominently - how to lose it.

Back in garden Eden there was no sin, but as soon as Eve was deflowered, she & Adam were expelled. In the earliest human tribes, virginitya after a certain age would be considered a sin, men fought over the girls they were supposed to deflower.In South East Asia, promiscuity in form of a casual affair is accepted, as long as the heart stays pure. But there are also men who want to cleanse themselves of all lust, for that they would go into the woods to meditate & grow beards, & if that wouldn't help, sit down in an anthill in the nude. In the Middle Ages, a certain promiscuity was accepted & regarded as social behaviour, while in the 19th century, chastity was regarded as the prime virtue for women - even after the wedding (this is illustrated by a great black-&-white sequence starring Howard Vernon). After a brief interlude set during the times of the witch trials the viewer is taken to the present (this being the 70's in case of this movie) where a young couple, Georg & Christine, finally want to make out for the first time, but Georg has problems maintaining his erection. Frustrated, Christine heads home, &, in the hallway of the appartmentbuilding she lives at, meets her neighbour Herr Silgmann, who invites her to his place & seduces her. From here on it's back to ancient Rome, where it was common for men to abduct their girlfriends to have sex with them without being caught in wedlock. But, as the tale goes, the fathers of said girls would want to convict them for rape, & their silence would be bought by money. Then we are treated to some holy defloration rites in Ancient Rome, native America & India, while in the Middle Ages, rich landlords as well as men of the clergy had the right of the first night, before it's off to some circumcision-rites of some Amazon tribes, virginity probing in Arab countries, and finally, to Central America for some ritual self deflorations of noble girls in front of the tribe's elders & fiercest warriors.


In early 70's Germany, report-movies - basically pseudo documentaries on sexual topics, with the emphasis on pseudo - were the big moneyspinners in wake of the hugely successful Schulmädchenreport, & the production company CCC-Filmkunst was as alwas quick to jump the bandwagon. The directiorial reigns of this report-movie though were handed over to Jess Franco, whose cinematic output would never suggest him as a documentary-director - & the movie looks & sounds it. FRanco immediately threw each & any accuracy overboard & built some weird & warped stuff around the stockfootage he had on hand., making this footage, which was supposed to give the film some relevance, seem completely out of place here - & yes, even more so than in similar movies of other directors. Insstead of following the report formula, Franco delivers a shipload of dreamlike sequences, with his predilections for both pulp fiction & voyeurism clearly shining through, many a sequence played tongue in cheek & all infused with Franco's own cinematic language of many zooms & close-ups. However, the end-result is still rather disappointing as it seems the real motivation behind the movie is somewhat missing. One of FRanco's lesser movies.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD