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The Opening of Misty Beethoven

USA 1976
produced by
L. Sultana for Crescent Films
directed by Radley Metzger (as Henry Paris)
starring Constance Money, Jamie Gillis, Jacqueline Beudant, Terri Hall, Ras Kean (as Ras King), Gloria Leonard, Calvin Culver (as Casey Donavan), Mary Stuart, Jenny Baxter (as Janet Baldwin), Cynthia Gardner, Helene Simone, Marlene Willoughby (as Marlene Parker), Peter Andrews, Nancy Dare, Michael Gaunt, Mark Margolis, Tia Von Davis
written by Jack Barnes

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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In a Paris porn cinema, sex expert Doctor Seymour Love (Jamie Gillis) finds a very ordinary prostitute, Misty Beethoven (Constance Money), and rather on a whim, he decides to take her under his and his partner's - the prostitute Geraldine Rich (Jacqueline Beudant) - wing and turn her into a high class slut - and thanks to Seymour's and Geraldine's tutoring, Misty is soon able to turn a homosexual (Calvin Culver) straight and in a huge crowd of young and willing girls attract the attention of director Layman (Ras Kean). 

But rather surprisingly, Misty has a personality of her own, and she soon enough refuses to take any more of the abuse of Doctor Love, who thinks of her as nothing but his creation and quite often blatantly insults her, and she leaves with Layman ... or so she says, because in the end, she's back and shows doctor Love how to really make love - not mechanic sex.


A classic of (hardcore) porn cinema, but is it all that good ?

It's hard to say really, compared to other porn movies from the mid-1970's, The Opening of Misty Beethoven is a bit of a triumph, it's got a thought through story, fleshed out characters and character development, some scenes that clearly classify as satire and some witty dialogue. However, compared to other erotic (not necessarily porn) films from the period, including some of director Radley Metzger's own like The Image, The Opening of Misty Beethoven seriously lacks depth ... but of course, at least it has hardcore sex (provided this is your thing), probably more blowjobs than most other porn movies, and lead actress Constance Money is seriously cute - and at least for a dirty old man like me, all of this is better than nothing ...


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from




On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD