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Queen Crab

USA 2015
produced by
Mark Polonia, Brett Piper for Polonia Brothers
directed by Brett Piper
starring Michelle Simone Miller, Kathryn Metz, Rich Lounello, Ken Van Sant, A.J. DeLucia, Steve Diasparra, Danielle Donahue, Yolie Canales, Mark Polonia, Stacy Allen, Liberty Asbury
written by Brett Piper, music by Jon Greathouse, special effects by Brett Piper

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Available on DVD !

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As a kid, Melissa (Liberty Asbury) found a crab who became her best friend, and she fed it with fruit her mad scientist dad (Mark Polonia) had treated with a growth serum in his lab - but the lab blew up eventually, and dad with it ...

Now, Melissa (played as an adult by Michelle Simone Miller) defends the land her parents have left her - which also includes a pond - with guns against any kind of intruder, especially a slightly not so smart deputy (Rich Lounello). And she has good reason for it, since the pond on her land is the home of her best friend PeeWee, who just happens to be a giant crab. Of course, nobody but Melissa knows about PeeWee - but of late, PeeWee has gotten out of her hiding in Melissa's pond and killed some lifestock ... and that's not too surprising, as PeeWee's presently laying some eggs, which results in a few quite hungry and quite dangerous (not so) little crabs who attack people for food, while people kill them for sport. Eventually, the humans, led by the local sheriff (Kevin Van Sant) find out about PeeWee and arrive in tanks and ultimately fighter jets to kill the crab - which would break Melissa's heart, but she has got a biologist (A.J. DeLucia) and her best friend, a B movie heroine (Kathryn Metz) on her side to save her giant crustacean friend. But will this be enough?


Whoever likes 1950s drive-in giant monster movies will probably love Queen Crab, as it's basically a loving hommage to these movies of old - but an hommage that doesn't boast with how clever it is or be in-your-face self-ironic, but one that celebrates what was good about these movies of old: Their slightly simplistic storylines that don't necessarily let realism stand in the way of a good plot, their emphasis on spectacle, and their supreme escapist qualities - and that's not to say Queen Crab isn't tongue-in-cheek and self-aware, as it is both, and it's by no means just a dumbed down piece of nostalgia, but great present day entertainment that is just reminiscent of these movies of old - also thanks to the wonderful practical effects used!

In all, a piece of genre entertainment perfectly made to just lean back and enjoy!


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide


A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD



Stell Dir vor, Deine Lieblingsseifenoper birgt eine tiefere Wahrheit ...
... und stell Dir vor, der Penner von der U-Bahnstation hat doch recht ...
... und dann triffst Du auch noch die Frau Deiner (feuchten) Träume ...


Und an diesem Tag geht natürlich wieder einmal die Welt unter!!!


Bauliche Angelegenheiten
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Michael Haberfelner


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