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Sasquatch Assault
Assault of the Sasquatch

USA 2009
produced by
Andrew Gernhard, M. Sridharan, Bonnie Farley-Lucas (executive), Richard J.Lucas (executive), Ragavan Padmanathan (executive) for Vijaya Cine Enterprises, Synthetic Cinema International
directed by Andrew Gernhard
starring Kevin Shea, Greg Nutcher, Sarah J.Ahearn, Cristina Santiago, Andrea Sáenz, Alex Exum, Hank Torrance, Jason Criscoulo, Cuyle Carvin, Shawn C.Phillips, M. Kelley, Michael Wrann, Sari Gagnon, Paul Melluzzo, J.Matthew Root, Kerry McGann, Leo Petry, John Randall
written by John Doolan, music by Matthew Llewellyn, creature created by Ben Chester

Sasquatch a.k.a. Bigfoot

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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A bearhunter (Kevin Shea) is brought into an undermanned police precinct for questioning - but unfortunately, his truck is hauled in as well - unfortunately because the truck doesn't contain the usual dead bears but a real life sasquatch (Jason Criscoulo) the hunter has captured for some rich bastard to hunt. However, once at the police station, the sasquatch breaks out and puts the precinct under siege.

Inside, you find all the usual suspects: the widowed cop (Greg Nutcher), his teenaged daughter (Sarah J.Ahearn), his loyal partner (Cristina Santiago), the guy who widowed him (Alex Exum), the klutzy cop (Cuyle Carvin), the sexy but tough-as-nails secretary (Andrea Sáenz), and so on and so forth. Eventually, the sasquatch manages to enter the precinct, and now he starts killing people left and right, until he catches up with the hunter who has captured him, and he has his revenge on the bastard. Then he returns to the forest he was found him, without hurting the three sole survivors on his way out.

Oh, and the three survivors are (no surprise here) the widowed cop, his daughter and his partner.

 

As the title of this film pretty much suggests, this is a monstermovie take on John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13 - only without any of that movie's ingenuity. While Carpenter managed to fill his film's skeletal plot with interesting characters and plottwists and made it a point to create tension and suspense pretty much nonstop, this film is merely overpopulated with clichéed characters having clichéed dialogues and doing clichéed things, the murder scenes and even the order they appear in just follow your typical slasher formula (so much so that there is no question of who's going to die, who's going to survive), and if all that didn't yet kill the film, the very cheap sasquatch-cosutme, that looks like something out of a 1940's B picture and that's pulled into plain sight way too often in the movie, surely sinks it.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
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shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD