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VampyrZ on a Boat

USA 2022
produced by
Mark Allen Michaels, Stefan Colson, Gi Gi Gadek (executive) for Firebreathing Films
directed by Mark Allen Michaels
starring Dallas Valdez, Carrie Keagan, Curt Lambert, Robert Acres, Andrea Leithe, Kendall Wells, Buddy Clements, Joey Whittemore, Lisa Hoyle, Bryan McGowan, Larz Yungbliut, Kate Rees Davies, Seamus Cattaneo, Michael Wood, Aaron Kai, Mattison Walker, Michael Coleman, Paul Kirwin, Diane Ayala Goldner, Mark Silver, Christy St. John, Julie Romano, Jonny Heinen
written by Mark Allen Michaels, special effects makeup by Michelle Sfarzo

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Available on DVD !

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Max (Dallas Valdez) and Del (Curt Lambert) are hired to provide security on a cruise ship that the gouvernment has repurposed as a huge medical research lab. It really sounds like an easy job as the ship's only manned by a skeleton crew and just the necessary staff, no passengers. Sure, the captain (Robert Acres) seems to be a tad on the mad side, but is harmless enough, and on the plus side, Max finds the love of his life on the ship, Sara (Carrie Keagan), so really what could go wrong on the cruise? The answer is of course, everything, as the gouvernment-employed doctor (Andrea Leithe) is doing experiments on vampires, and as vampires do, they escape and soon wreak havoc on the ship's staff and crew, killing or turning one after the other. Even Max and Del fall prey to them occasionally, but they have the doctor as their back-up who always brings them back to (human) life in the nick of time. Sara on the other hand is not so lucky, and before long is turned - and now it's personal for Max ...

 

Now I think it's safe to say one doesn't expect too subtle a horror drama from a film with a title as blunt as VampyrZ on a Boat - and the movie sure enough lives up to the promise of its title, it's certainly not a re-invention of the genre but it moves along at a brisk pace, with characters that might lack much depth but work well in the context, and as a whole the thing is carried by plenty of suspense and vampire action. But what really makes the movie is that it's quite aware it's not the next Citizen Kane, but it's driven by enough irony to let the plot's inherent silliness slide, and it sure succeeds in entertaining its audience over its circa 70 minute running time.

 

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review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
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love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD