Somehow, lowlife Lucas gets his hands on some or Dr Stewart's (Michael Clinkenbeard) cancer cure, mistaking it for crack, and feeds it to a few hookers. Thing is, the stuff doesn't actually cure cancer but turn people into zombies ... and before you know it, a few strippers (Lyanna Tuameng as tough-as-nails Dallas, Jessica Barton as bitchy Dakota, Hollie Winnard as innocent newbie Harley, Juliet Reeves as Pandora), a pimp (Anthony Headen) and his hookers, bouncer Clive (Valensky Sylvain), the hero Chris (Sean Harriman) and a few others are caught in a stripclub, and between some bad jokes, they do everything to fight off the zombies, until Chris figures he's not yet heroic enough and he heads out into the open to go to Dr Stewart's lab and fetch the antidote, and since Dallas is not only tough-as-nails but also in love with him, she accompanies him. At Stewart's place, an accident happens when all the antidote is injected into Chris's body, and now he has to let zombies bite him to transmit the anti-zombi-virus (which actually makes the zombies go up in a bang), and in the end, for the sake of the last three survivors - Dallas, Harley, Dakota - he lets himself be eaten up alive.

I don't know what you think about it, but at least on paper, strippers and zombies sound like the perfect combination for a sexy, gory adult comedy - yet this film here misses all marks. Sure, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! at least at times tries to be funny (and fails), but in essence it's just a reactionary piece of horror, in which an annyoingly heroic he-man (Chris) saves a few damsels-in-distress (the strippers), and while at least one of the girls shows some guts, it's left to the he-man to make the ultimate sacrifice. Now even a concept like this doesn't necessarily make a bad movie, but Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! is incredibly blunt in bringing its point across, and when it comes to celebrating its he-man hero, all the parodistic elements are weirdly amiss - and it's not made any better by the fact that Sean Harriman is such a clean-cut all-American boy without an ounce of charisma or indeed humour. In fact he's about as annoying as the rest of the film's shortcomings put together, like the totally clich�d characters - the big-mouthing but cowardly pimp, the whores, the strippers with hearts of gold, and so on -, the lack of narrative originality, the uninventive directorial effort, the lame fight scenes, and so on and so forth.

In all, not worth your time and money.

review � by Mike Haberfelner

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
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directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

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Robots and rats,
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cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
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is all of that.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
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tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
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screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
the new anthology by
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