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At an otherwise empty subway station, Alphonse (Gérard Depardieu)
meets a man (Michel Serrault), tells him about his homicidal urges and
shows him his knife - not that that would necessarily be a good starting
point for a conversation. Then the knife gets stolen, and the man, who
still thinks Alphonse wants to kill him, runs away and jumps into the next
subway, which leaves before Alphonse can follow. Later, Alphonse finds the
man again, lieing on the floor dieing, with Alphonse's knife in his chest.
Not yet quite dead, the man offers Alphonse his money ... and gives him
back his knife, in case he might need it again.
Back at home - an appartment in a high rise building - Alphonse's wife
(Liliane Rovère) thinks little of the whole incident when he tells her
about it, and when he shows her his knife still wet with blood, she just
puts it into the dishwasher. And even Alphonse's only neighbour in the
whole building, inspector Morvandieu (Bernard Blier, father of director
Bertrand Blier), couldn't care less about the murder when Alphonse tells
him about it ...
The next day, Alphonse's wife is found dead, murdered. That same
evening, her murderer (Jean Carmet) shows up on Alphonse's doorstep, and
after relating to him exactly who he is he wants to talk about the murder
- but Alphonse suggests to just forget it, like he does. Then the
inspector shows up on Alphonse's doorstep as well with a bottle of wine,
and after Alphonse has introduced him to the murderer ("May I
introduce the killer of my wife." - "Pleased to meet
you."), the three men have a drink together.
Soon someone else shows up, a certain Mr Léonard (Jean Rougerie), who
wants to hire Alphonse - whom he believes to be the killer of the man in
the subway - to kill someone. Alphonse agrees to do it, but refuses to
take any money ("It would spoil the whole thing."). Ultimately
all three man - Alphonse, the inspector and the murderer - go to the
appointed address - a parking deck - for the kill ... to realize the
victim is Léonard himself. Now they refuse to do it since they c annot
kill someone whom they just drank with, but somehow, Léonard gets killed
anyhow. Then our trio picks up Léonard's widow (Geneviève Page) and they
take her with them to Alphonse's appartment, where soon enough, she and
Alphonse prepare to have sex - when suddenly, the murderer begs Alphonse
do take him home because he can't stay here for the night but is afraid of
the dark. On the way though, the murderer feels one of his homicidal urges
again and wants to break into a house to kill a woman - but suddenly he
changes his mind and decides to let Alphonse kill the woman as a sort of
thank you. Alphonse agrees to it, but he almost gets shot himself.
The very next day, our trio finds the widow in a frenzy, so they call
emergency - only to then witness the doctor from emergency (Bernard
Crombey) to do nothing more than shag the widow and ask for 150 Francs for
it. The trio realizes they've been duped, so they just kill the doctor,
then put his body into the trunk of his own car and drive out into the
suburbs to hide it ... but on the way they are called to another
emergency, and even though they are no doctors. And while the murderer
suddenly decides to leabve the others, Alphonse and the inspector look
after the emergency - but suddenly it turns out that it is actually a trap
for the inspector, who is supposed to be killed with the help of a string
quintet (it makes some sense in the film), instead though he kills the
string quintet, and when police finally arrives in big numbers, the
inspector just lays the blame on the two men who have just stolen their
emergency car ...
Back at home, Alphonse and the inspector realize that the murderer has
returned before them to kill the widow (which he feels very sorry for),
and that there is someone else in the building - a violinist of all
things - whom the inspector has promptly arrested, just because he
hates strings.
Soon, our trio reralizes they don't like the city life as it is
to strenuous for them, so they decide to take a vacation in the country -
where it's even worse, since everything is damp and cold and the endless
chirping of the birds is soon getting on everyone's nerve.
In the country, the three of them meet a professional killer (Jean
Benguigui) with a contract on Alphonse. But since the inspector and
Alphonse have grown tired of the murderer, they tell the killer that the
murderer is Alphonse - and thus they are soon rid of the murderer ... only
the contract killer finds out who the real Alphonse is, and so they
realize they have to kill him as well - an dthus they hunt him down
withthe help of a young woman (Carole Bouquet), who just happens to pass
by.
After a successful chase in a rowboat, Alphonse decides to get rid of
the inspector as well, just throwing him - a non-swimmer - overboard and
watching him drown. Then the woman explains to Alphonse who she really is
and why she is here: she is the daughter of the man in the subway who was
killed using Alphonse's knife, and she thinks Alphonse did it, so she
tracked him down to have her revenge - and thus she throws him, another
non-swimmer, overboard and watches him drown ...
Quite simply put, a masterpiece !!!
One of the best and most certainly one of the most underrated black
comedy there ever was, brought to life by far-out situations and totally
absurd but weirdly funny dialogue (e.g. "Who are you ?" -
"I'm the killer of your wife." - "Come in, want some soup
?" or "We should stop this slaughter." - "I don't
know, could be worse. If more people would be living in this building,
there would be way more murders."), paired with atmospheric and
stylish direction and of course great actors. Plus, the film is quite
unlike anything else you have ever seen, almost experimental, yet totally
entertaining.
Highest recommendation !
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