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Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell
USA 1986
produced by Don Swan, William Highsmith (executive), Loy Dellinger (executive), Jon Lamphere (executive) for Swanfilms
directed by Don Swan
starring Theo Depuay, Kelley Kunicki, C.W. Casey, Alan Marx, Michael O'Neill, Joy Merchant, Jeff Pillars, Jeff Baughn, Chuc Clubb, Billy Scott, Arnold William, John Rodgers, Dan Sinski, Cindy Castanlo
written by Don Swan, Jeff Baughn, William Highsmith, music by Steve Cunningham, Don Swan, Dan Smith, special effects by Warren Graham
review by Mike Haberfelner
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600 years ago, the Righteous Brotherhood condemned one of their ranks
gone rogue, Goza (Theo Depuay), to ... hmmm, weirdly enough, to
immortality, but he has to eat human flesh every day in order to stop
decay. Weirdly enough, the Brotherhood thought this was a punishment,
but now, 600 years later, Goza is still alive and doing well, and running
a diner at the beach. And to be able to fulfill his quota of flesh-eating,
he just kills the occasional customer, health inspector, nosey cop or
whoever else he can get his hands on. And what he's unable to eat, he just
feeds his other customers ... who quite often find hair or rings or
whatever of Goza's victims in their stew. It's only now that the
Brotherhood begins to realize to punish Goza with the curse of immortality
and turning him into a killer in the process was not exactly the best idea
ever, so they send Lonezor (Jeff Baughn) after him, a valiant fighter who
almost defeats Goza - but also an incredibly gullible man who believes
Goza wants to repent after 600 years of merciless killing ... and thus, he
ultimately allows Goza to kill him. Finally though, Goza meets his match
in the Brotherhood's high priestess who goes by the name of Missy (Kelley
Kunicki) - really -, who uses all her magic to keep Goza away from human
flesh just long enough to ... well, die. Very low budget and
actually bottom-of-the-barrel shot-on-video shocker, that at times tries
to play it like a comedy, at times like an epic fantasy saga, but lacks
the humour to succeed as the former, and the scope to succeed as the
later. And as straight horror, it's just too shoddily written and lacks
any character at all to identify with. Add to this an indifferent
directorial effort and sometimes incomprehensible editing, and you're left
with very litte - and even a certain so-bad-it's-good-charm only shines
through very occasionally. Interestingly though, the musical score is
pretty decent (if nothing at all special) and well employed - not enough
to save the movie though.
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