The Lunar Pack

USA 2004
produced by
Jason Liquori for Hocus Focus Productions
directed by Jason Liquori
starring Debbie Rochon; segment Dark Rose: The 700th Year Itch: Melissa Morse, Colleen Kavanaugh; segment Sheep's Clothing: Jason Liquori, Chanel Bagwell, Brewier Welch, Kevin White; segment Crying Wolf: Jonathan Shane Ferrell, Annie Maleski, Kevin White, Juliet Reeves, Jeremy Weibe, Paul Dalhover, Mary Guyer, Lisandra Vazquez, Noopur Shukla
written by Jason Liquori, special effects by Tabatha Gipe, Crystal White, special makeup effects by Katie Kausmann

Dark Rose

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Our vampire host Mistress Misty (Debbie Rochon) takes us through three tales about werewolves:

• Dark Rose:The 700 Year Itch: After 700 years, Rose (Melisa Morse) has found the vampire (Colleen Kavanaugh) who has killed her family. But unfortunately, her watch is slow, so she doesn't make it to her coffin to stake her before nightfall. But when the vampire prepares to attack her, Rose reveals she has an ace up her sleeve: She's a werewolf!
• Sheep's Clothing: Private eye Jim Stewart (Jason Liquori) is observing Gina Arucci (Chanel Bagwell), who her husband (Kevin White) believes to have an affair behind his back. But secretly following her, Stewart finds no proof of this, she just spends way too much time in antique shops and meets her church's minister (Brewier Welch) every Friday for a talk - not really much to arouse suspicion. So Stewart and Arucci come up with a plan to speed things up a bit: Arucci claims that he's going on a business vacation, and they'll see what happens. That night then, Mrs Arucci invites the minister over, and lets him tie her to her bed and ... at that moment the husband storms in and shoots the minister. Only then does he realize his wife has turned into a werewolf, and she just wanted the minister to properly kill her.
• Crying Wolf: Billy's (Jonathan Shane Ferrell) girlfriend (Annie Maleski) gets killed by a werewolf, and he gets bitten by the monster. But of course, there are no such things as werewolves, so the local sheriff (Kevin White), Billy's old arch-enemy, suspects Billy himself to have killed the girl, but doesn't have an ounce of proof, so he has to let him go.
  One month later: Billy pays the sheriff a visit and asks him to lock him up, because he believes he is a werewolf himself after having been bitten by one. But the sheriff is weirdly reluctant to do so, even after Billy has taken a leak right in front of him in his office. Eventually, it becomes apparent why: The sheriff believes Billy is a werewolf alright, but he himself is a werewolf as well, the very werewolf who killed Billy's girl. It all leads to a fight werewolf versus werewolf to the death ...

The funniest thing about this film is its framing story starring Debbie Rochon, basically because Debbie is really good when doing comedy, and she nails even some not-so-great jokes.

The little films that interrupt her hosting are ... well, they are pretty ok, even. Sure, they are marred by their low budgets which caused technical glitches of all kinds and below-the-par special effects (especially the werewolf masks look less than convincing), plus not all actors are even remotely great, but at least they are well-written - if only they didn's all share the same punchline of someone turning into a werewolf ...

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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