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Le Monache di Sant'Arcangelo
Die Nonne von Verona / Sisters of Satan / The Nun and the Devil

Italy/France 1973
produced by
Tonino Cervi
directed by Domenico Paolella
starring Anne Heywood, Ornella Muti, Luc Merenda, Martine Brochard, Muriel Catala, Claudia Gravy, Maria Cumani Quasimodo, Pier Paolo Capponi, Duilio Del Prete

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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1577: When the old Mother Superior of the Convent of Sant'Arcangelo - itself a buzzing hornets' nest of aristocratic daughters gone bad & therefore locked away - dies, a fight about her succession ensues between Julia (Anne Heyward) who has the occasional lesbian relationship, Carmela (Claudia Gravy), who has her frequent (male) lover Pietro (Duilio Del Prete), & the old sister Lavinia (Maria Cumani Quasimodo) - & Julia is very determined to get the job, so she slowly poisons Lavinia & spills the beans on Carmela. But an investigator from Rome, Carafo (Luc Merenda) soon gets wind of this by some anonymous letters, & - appaled by all the intrigues & shady tradings of the aristocrats in the name of god - decides to put an end to it all. To heat things up even more, Isabella (Ornella Muti), Julia's niece, is also sent to the convent for having an affair with Fernando, but she soon catches the eye of Don Carlos (Pier Paolo Capponi), who finds an excuse to have her sent to him by Julia - which of course isn't all bad, because, on Carafo's demand, the Spanish Inquisition decides to stop by the convent. Still, for Isabella, it is out of the fire into the frying pan when Don Carlos tries to rape her, & only her profound knwoledgeof his wrongdoings save her from both his evil clutches & the inquisition. In the end, she, the innocent girl, is reunited with her lover while all the evil nuns are tortured by the inquisition & Julia sentenced to death by poison - sometimes pretty handy, that inquisition-thing, innit ?

 

Sorry folks, this one sounds way sleazier than it is, it is in fact the weird attempt to make a respectable nunsploitatiobn picture that shys away from all but the tamest sex & violence to make its sleazy content appealing to more mainstream audiences, instead tries to play like a historical drama (with little success): Thus the screenplay is (to an extent) filled with historical facts & accurate costumes as well as posh sets & very lame dialogue. It might even worked as a clever business move back then, today however it looks more hypocritical than even the sleaziest nuns' orgy.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
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Tales to Chill
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Tales to Chill
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a collection of short stories and mini-plays
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Tales to Chill
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the new anthology by
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Out now from
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