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Neon Maniacs
USA 1986
produced by Chris Arnold, Steven D. Mackler for Cimarron Productions, KellyPark Associates
directed by Joseph Mangine
starring Leilani Sarelle, Alan Hayes (= Clyde Hayes), Donna Locke, Victor Brandt, David Muir, Marta Kober, P.R. Paul, Jeff Tyler, Amber Denyse Austin, James Acheson, Chuck Hemingway, Bo Sabato, Jessie Lawrence Ferguson, John Lafayette, Gene Bicknell, Katherine Heard, Frank X.Baleno, Elizabeth Laureen, Trish Doolan, Teri Ralston, Dick Frattali, Cynthia Sprink, Anthony Henderson, Shari Moskaux, Cooper Neal, Lydia Weiss, Betty Vaughan, T.J. Snell, Matthew Asner, Barry Buchanan, Douglas Markell, Mark Twogood, Andrew Divoff, Robert E. Veilliux, Scott Guetzkau, Chuck Cohen, Zac Baldwin, Doyle McCurley, Daniel Burrell, Jerome L.Dennae, Kathy Hooker
written by Mark Patrick Carducci, music by Kendall Schmidt, special effects makeup by Allan A.Apone, Larry Odien/Makeup Effects Laboratories
review by Mike Haberfelner
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The usual: Kids make out at some party, and they all get killed, all
but one, Natalie (Leilani Sarelle), who has been identified as a virgin
before. This time around though, the kids were not slaughtered by a
machete weilding serialkiller but a bunch of mutants who wear all sorts of
costumes right out of a fancy-dress party, who live inside the Golden Gate
Brige (!), and who are allergic to rain. However, nobody knows that yet of
course, and when Natalie tells teh story of her ordeal to the police, she
is thought to be either crazy or hiding something (especially since all
the corpses of her friends have gone missing). There are two who believe
her, though: Her wannabe boyfriend Steven (Alan Hayes) - basically because
he wants to get into her panties I presume - and kid horrorfilmmaker Paula
(Donna Locke) - who's also the one who finds out the secrets of the
mutants. After a few policemen go missing (all killed by the mutants of
course) and Natalie and Steven are chased by the mutants through a subway,
Natalie, Steven and Paula do what every normal teenager would do in such a
situation: Go to the battle of the bands-concert at their high
school, where Steven even performs. And it's fancy dress night, too, so
the costumed mutants have no problems infiltrating the whole thing.
Anyways, our trio of heroes has taken precautions and handed out
squirtguns (really) to everyone in the audience. When the mutants start
slaughtering people left and right though, a panic breaks out and all of
the precautions amount to remarkably little. Plus, Natalie, who knows
about the danger, was apparently airheaded enough not to bring her own
squirtgun but relie on her hero Steven, who's of course on stage
performing ... clever girl. Anyways, using a firehose, the three kids are
at least able to kill off most of the mutants, and with all the evidence
on hand, the police is inclined to believe them about the mutants from
inside the Bridge ... but once there and armed with squirtguns, they find - well, nothing ... Despite
the fact that the costumed mutants add a little colour to the proceedings,
this is little more than a by-the-numbers-slasher that hardly leaves a
cliché untouched while totally lacking in directorial inventiveness or
even mean gore scenes. Add to this a musical score that never fits the
mood of the action and seriously sabotages any buiild-up of tension and
suspense, and a cast of bland actors playing even blander characters, and
you are left with ... well, with a typical slasher from the mid-1980's, a
time when the genre was definitely past its prime. In other words, a film
not really worth your time.
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