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Piranha-Man vs Werewolf-Man: Howl of the Piranha

USA 2012
produced by
Steve Goldenberg
directed by Dorian Knight
starring Carrie Long, Ian Hinck, Karla Yeh, Charlotte C. Leighton, Jon Lebedoff, Katie Ramonovich, Quinn Gould, Jake Theby, Andy Ramsey, Kay Long, Tierza Scaccia, Adam Gould, Kay Hughes, Lew Ojeda, Amy J. Boyd, Neilo Blakemore, Miguel Martinez, Margie Ratliff
written by Steve Goldenberg, Dorian Knight, visual effects by Jake Theby

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Reporter Lexi Glass (Carrie Long) is working on a big story: a killing spree that targets exclusively blond women and seems to have something to do with a lupine creature - of whatever form, actually. Her boss (Lew Ojeda) though is less impressed: For one, two murders don't make a killing spree, and two - wolves, in the middle of the city, really? So Lexi loses the assignment to Dirty Diane (Charlotte C.Leighton), a woman who will do everything to get ahead, and I mean ... oh heck, why do you think she's called "Dirty" Diane? Anyways, the more her boss tells her to stay away from the case, the more obsessed Lexi becomes with it - also because the killings tie in neatly with her nightmares about the man of her dreams and a werewolf, and ... something else, that's when she usually wakes up.

Dirty Diane tries to lure the killer - who by the way really is a werewolf - out into the open ... with disastrous effects, because she didn't fully think through what to do with the killer once he's onto her, and thus she bites the dust. Through some telepathic link, Lexi is summoned to the scene of Diane's murder, where the werewolf overpowers her ... and then she wakes up with a guy who claims to be her dream guardian, and who tells her the truth about her parents: Apparently, her dad (Andy Ramsey) had been the survivor of a plane crash lost on a dessert island where a Russian nuclear submarine that was attacked by a werewolf was stranded, and now the marine wildlife got contaminated ... and mutated. Sal ate from some fish eggs - and became Piranha-Man. on the island, he and the werewolf soon got into a fight, but somehow dad managed to escape to return to Lexi's mom to procreate a child - Lexi. Unfortunately, the werewolf later caught up with Lexi's mom too and ... did not kill her but procreate Lexi's half brother, the werewolf who's roaming the city streets to get a lead on Lexi's dad to end their conflict once and for all - the bloody way.

Lexi tracks down her father both out of professional and personal interest, and finds him somewhere in Indiana, chained up in a cave and mistreated by a couple of thugs. Upon seeing her being threatened by the thugs, Piranha-Man frees himself to protect her - and all of a sudden, Lexi finds herself not only in the middle of a fight Piranha-Man vs Werewolf-Man, but also finds the nightmares she's been having for years coming true ...

 

Now seriously, when you're watching a film called Piranha-Man vs Werewolf-Man: Howl of the Piranha, you don't exactly expect the next Citizen Kane, right? Rather a piece of genre cinema that in the best case lives up to its sensationalist title - and let's be honest, very few of films with similar titles do, mostly the filmmakers' originality and creativity begins and ends with the title.

Piranha-Man vs Werewolf-Man: Howl of the Piranha then is pretty much the exception to the rule: Sure, the story built around the title is pretty silly, but while it's played totally straight, there's always a certain tongue-in-cheek feel to it, or at least a willingness of the filmmakers to entertain rather than hide behind a flashy title. And while other monstermovies of late, even of the low budget variety (and Piranha-Man vs Werewolf-Man: Howl of the Piranha was definitely made on the cheap), try to gloss over their shortcomings with flashy yet impersonal CGI-effects, this one goes for rubber masks and purely practical effects. And while the masks look as cheap as they probably were, they do give the film a certain physicality and also honesty rarely achieved in monster cinema these days.

In a nutshell, what I want to say is probably this: This one might not be a masterpiece by anyone's standards - but it's also lots of fun!

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
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love and death and everything in between,
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Tales to Chill
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a collection of short stories and mini-plays
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Tales to Chill
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the new anthology by
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