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When a ship is blown up, passengers and crew are able to save
themselves to a remote island - where the crew turns out to be a bunch of
pirates looking for a blade that's supposed to contain the map to a
treasure and that's supposed to be hidden somewhere on the island. Thing
is, the island is far from deserted, it's populated by monks - monks of
the cannibalistic ninja monk variety - who start to massacre passengers
and crew alike. For the most part of the film, it's only pirates and
passengers on one side and monks on the other side killing each other, but
eventually something resembling a plot sets in: The captain is about to
kill one of the monks with his bare hands when he discovers the monk is
actually a native woman, and he lets her go. Later, the captain is
captured, but the native woman frees him, returns his weapons to him, and
accompanies him on his expedition. Eventually she even helps him find the
blade. Then they are seperated, and eventually, the native woman finds a
blonde, who was a passenger on the ship, and helps her avoiding the monks
... but then the two run into pirates who want to rape them. Enter the
captain, who defends the women's honour with his gun, even if that means
turning against his own men. Eventually though, they are all attacked by
the monks who kill everybody (including the blonde) but the captain and
the native woman - but in the process, almost all of the monks die as
well. Eventually, the captain wants to leave the island, but the native
woman, who has long fallen in love with him, convinces him to stay. The
two engage in a kiss, when the last of the monks kills the captain. Then
he wants to retrieve the blade with the treasure map, but the native woman
grabs it first and throws it into the sea. Blindly the monk goes after it
and is killed by a shark ...
A few things up front: Piratenmassaker is not to be taken
seriously, it's what you would call a fun splatter movie that pokes fun at
many a genre mainstay rather than trying to tell a gripping story - so the
rather botched up and inconsequent screenplay does work (to an extent at
least). And: Piratenmassaker is an amateur film, so don't expect
great actors, convincing special effects, professional lighting,
accomplished camerawork, or any kind of production values, this film was
made by people who wanted to have fun, and occasionally the fun actually
translates onto the screen.
That all said, there are still a few points about Piratenmassaker
that just don't work: On one hand, the film has a terrible problem with
continuity (and I don't even mean shot-by-shot continuity), some
characters that you think have just died turn up alive again (maybe
because it's the same actor in a different role, maybe it's a different
but similar looking actor in another outfit, or maybe nobody did even
care). On the other hand, the film is just poorly edited. A better, more
fluent editing job (which wouldn't even have required any reshots) would
have done wonders to the film, tightening up its many action scenes and
make it into a more coherent piece of work. Plus, some of the sound
effects (especially the gunshots) could or should have been improved - but
I admit, maybe that's too much to ask from a no budget amateur film.
Still, amateur film or not, I have seen far worse.
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find Piratenmassaker at adultvideouniverse.com
