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Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
USA 1964
produced by Paul L. Jacobson, Joseph E. Levine (executive) for Jalor Productions
directed by Nicholas Webster
starring John Call, Leonard Hicks, Vincent Beck, Bill McCutcheon, Victor Stiles, Donna Conforti, Chris Month, Pia Zadora, Leila Martin, Charles Renn, James Cahill, Ned Wertimer, Doris Rich, Carl Don, Ivor Bodin, Al Nesor, Josip Elic, Jim Bishop, Lin Thurmond, Don Blair, Tony Ross, Scott Aronesty, Ronnie Rotholz, Glenn Schaffer, Gene Lindsey
story by Paul L.Jacobson, screenplay by Glenville Mareth, music by Milton Delugg, special effects by Haberstroh Studios
Santa Claus
review by Mike Haberfelner
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The Martian kids, especially those (Chris Month, Pia Zadora) of council
member Kimar (Leonard Hicks) are sad - because it's early December and
Mars has no Santa Claus. So the council decides to go to earth and kidnap
Santa Claus (John Call) so he can make the Martian kids as happy as the
earth kids. To this end, Kimar and several others - including evil Voldar
(Vincent Beck) and clumsy Droppo (Bill McCutcheon) go to earth and abduct
Santa, and two kids, Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti),
even if these efforts are constantly sabotaged by evil Voldar.
On Mars, Santa soon enough gets his own fully automatized assembly line
workshop and starts working - but he and especially Billy and Betty soon
get homesick. Droppo meanwhile has taken to Santa Claus and likes to dress
up as him and do his owrk ... but dressed up as Santa he is kidnapped by
Voldar and his henchmen, who want to put an end to the Santa business for
good. Ultimately though, Voldar and company are defeated by Santa and the
kids using toys, and Billy, Betty and Santa are allowed to go back to
earth after Santa makes Droppo his official successor on Mars ...
Today, this film is mainly known because it stars a very young (10
years old) Pia Zadora, even if she plays only a supporting character and
is painted green throughout. But of course, the title of this film sounds
great, like having entered a new level of exploitation, santaploitation
I'd call it, and even my synopsis sounds kind of (childish) fun.
Unfortunately, the film as a whole is not, it's boring, its direction is
stagey at best, the sets and props are a tad too cheap to still be
charming, john Call as Santa quickly gets on everybody's nerves with his
constant Ho-Ho-ing and Bill McCutcheon as clumsy comic relief is
simply annoying and not at all funny.
A waste of time, really.
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review © by Mike Haberfelner
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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes, cuddly toys and shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill Your Bones to is all of that.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to -
a collection of short stories and mini-plays ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle,
all thought up by the twisted mind of screenwriter and film reviewer Michael Haberfelner.
Tales to Chill Your Bones to
the new anthology by Michael Haberfelner
Out now from Amazon!!! |
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