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Tarz and Jane and Boy and Cheeta
Tarz and Jane, Cheeta and Boy

USA 1975
produced by
Hans Johnson (as Datsa Fine) for Fine Brothers
directed by Hans Johnson (as Itsa Fine)
starring Elmo Brix (= Patrick M.Wright), Silver Foxx (= Tallie Cochrane), Georgina Spelvin, Uncle Tom, Five Fingers Eddie, San Clemente Richard, Helen Lang
written by D.C.Moore, based on characters created by Edgar Rice Burroughs

Tarzan

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Tarz (Elmo Brix) gets his penis bitten off when he saves Boy (Uncle Tom) from the crocodile for the umpteenth time - which is especially hard for Jane (Silver Foxx), because neither Boy nor Cheeta (San Clemente Richard) have the necessary skills to satisfy her (though she tries them both. Good thing then she learns about a native tribe, the Wango Wango, who can give people giant cocks by means of magic - and so, Tarz, Jane and Boy go off to the land of the Wango Wango, on their way having to satisfy a bunch of amazons with corncobs - if you wonder, yes the old joke about one of the girls shooting popcorn out of her pussy is used in this context - and having to fight a tiger (a live one, actually).

Eventually, the trio meets up with a couple of explorers, Wanda (Georgina Spelvin) and gay Clive (Five Finger Eddie), and soon all of them are captured by the Wango Wangos, who give Tarzan a big dick and force their captives to have sex in all constellations - even gay Clive has to do it with a woman. Eventually though they get away and have an orgy in Tarzan's treehouse.

And Cheeta ?

He gets away with the Wango Wango's treasure, takes off his mask and turns out to be Richard Nixon ...

 

A very weak (softcore) erotic spoof of Tarzan, almost never trying to do anything other than the most obvious (and therefore most unfunny) sex jokes (like the corncob scene). That both men and women aren't too attractive in this one doesn't help one bit either, and the face that the sex scenes are filmed with the least imagination and absolutely no love for erotica as such totally sinks the film. Well, at least they have a real tiger wrestling with Tarz rather than the more customary rug, but that's about as good as it gets - and it's a safe bet to say not many viewers watch this one because of a tiger.

Rather a waste of time.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.

 

There's No Such Thing as Zombies
starring
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry

 

directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke

 

now streaming at

Amazon

Amazon UK

Vimeo

 

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
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