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Brainy Smurf (Jeremy Conway) has developed a teleportation device which
he uses to teleport himself, Smurfette (Lexi Belle) and Papa Smurf (Jay
Crew) to the real world - the offices of Hustler Magazine -, where
they meet a famous fashionista (Nicole Aniston) who wants to make them her
latest (chihuahua-like) handbag accessory - at least as long as she can
keep pornstar Evan Stone (as himself) from finding them first - which she
does by seducing him, which in turn is not quite as easy as it sounds. In
the meantime, evil Gargamel (Barry Scott) has cloned his own female smurf,
Sansette (Charley Chase), to send her after our heroes and retrieve the
secret of teleportation. The Smurfs fall for Sansette in no time at all
... but can you blame them? She loves to be treated like a sextoy by them
though. Eventually, both Smurfette and Sansette cross ways with a Hustler-photographer,
who wants them for a "sexy" shoot (even though they are
pint-sized). Smurfette is a little shy at first, but Sansette pretends to
be her conscience, then seduces her right on camera. Eventually,
Sansette hands Smurfette over to Gargamel, who has followed Sansette but
has shrunk to pint-size in the process. Smurfette soon wins him over
though by having sex with him. Brainy and Papa Smurf film the whole thing
though, and soon enough, Hustler releases the Smurfette celebrity
sextape ... The sex life of the Smurfs has always sparked quite
a bit of theoretical interest, this being an all-male society with only
one female to (apparently) keep them all happy. Plus, their hats look a
lot like limp dicks, don't they. That said, was there anyone who really
wanted to see the Smurfs have sex? Anyways, Axel Braun has taken it upon
himself to introduce us to the sex life of the Smurfs in a more practical
way - and to a degree, the film is pretty good, as Braun manages to
recreate the atmosphere of his source material on a low (or porn-)budget
and manages to actually tell a fun story in an ironic way. However,
Braun's efforts are somewhat counteracted by current porn standards that
demand long fuck scenes that pretty much destroy the film's narrative
flow, and very standardized sex to not piss off mainstream porn audiences
- in other words, don't expect the limp-dick-Smurf-hats being put to any
good use here. All that said, this being a porn parody, This ain't
the Smurfs XXX comes across pretty light-footed, some of the jokes are
really good, and the girls are hot (if you can forgive their blue tan) -
no masterpiece of any sorts maybe, but fun at least ...
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