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Film producer Lawrence has hired writer Joyce to write him a script
based on the Last Emperor of China, and so she can write undisturbed, he
lets her and her assistant Cindy move into his remote mansion - which just happens to
be haunted by a trio of hopping vampires. After scaring the two women
shitless for half the movie, the strongest of the vampires, the Vampire
Beast, possesses Joyce, and being possessed, she kills Cindy. Then Joyce
gives birth to a little vampire, a boy about 6 years of age. Luckily
though, Joyce has a boyfriend who can magically turn into a ninja as well
as a machine
gun wielding silver warrior that looks a bit like Robocop (really), and he
forces the Vampire Beast out of Joyce's body, beats the crap out of him
and finally exorcises him. Then a Taoist priest arrives and picks up the
other two vampires and the vampire boy. For some reason, this story was
too thin for the film's producers, so they added elements from a(n
existing) Thai action flick to tell another story about Lawrence's film:
This time around he's hiring a female
private eye, Jackie, to investigate who is trying to sabotage his Last
Emperor project. For some reason, investigating to Jackie means to kill all of Lawrence's rival producers, until she finds out that big time
producer Jackson is behind all the acts of sabotage. Jackson soon has
Jackie's sister Fanny and Lawrence's art director Bob kidnapped, but now
Jackie teams up with the police (who don't mind her killing all those
other producers) to free them. Cornered, producer Jackson kills himself
before Jackie's very eyes. A typical Filmark mish-mash
film: You've got ninjas, below average fight scenes, a plot that makes
little sense - and another film cut and pasted in that makes no sense at
all in
the context of the original plot that already makes little sense. The
result most certainly is a slap in the face of every serious cineast, but
bad movie lovers like myself will find plenty to giggle about (the finale
alone is priceless) and find themselves drawn into the weird world of Filmark's
cheapies for some obscure reasons. That said, Filmark's nonsensical
Robo Vampire - with which The
Vampire is Still Alive shares quite a few elements - is even funnier,
but that doesn't necessarily make this film less entertaining in its own
right.
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