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Play-Mate of the Apes

USA 2002
produced by
Michael Beckerman (= Michael Raso, executive) for ei Independent Cinema (Seduction)
directed by John Bacchus
starring Misty Mundae (= Erin Brown), Darian Caine, Debbie Rochon, Anoushka, Sharon Engert, Shelby Taylor, Dan Schwab, Zachary Winston Snygg (= John Bacchus), John Link, Terry M. West, John Brady, Larry Wellman, John P. Fedele, E.J. Mays, Kriss Kross, Stephen Steel, Bill Leighton, Bob Serio, Skippy D, Pete Jacelone, John B. Watt
written by John Bacchus, Debbie Rochon, Clancy Fitzsimmons, Joseph Ned, cinematography by Giorgyorgy Benaskovic, editing by George Freeway

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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In their spaceship, ass-tronauts Commadner Gaylor (Misty Mundae), Lt. Pushkintucushin (Anoushka) and Lt. Fornication (Sharon Engert - a fake blonde with a bad boob- and a bad lip-job who has spent way too much time in the sun studio) crash onto the planet of the apes, where they before long meet a local (human) girl, Uvala (Darian Caine), who like all the humans on this planet is unable to speak ... and soon enough, they are taken prisoners by the apes, led by Captain Laid (Zachary Winston Snygg), a human-hater who thinks humans have no soul because they can't dance.

But while Pushkintucushin and Fornication are treated to some serious lobotomy, Gaylor works at a strip club, wehre she shows ape-kind what dancing (and stripping) is - much to the delight of Doctor Cornholeous (Debbie Rochon), a scientist who believes ape is a descendant of men. So Cornholeous decides to escape the clutches of Captain Laid together with her purple friend Dr Queera, her prime specimen Gaylor and Uvala, just because Gaylor likes to be with her, if you catch my drift.

Fleeing from Captain Laid and his apes, our little group of heroes have to cross the forbidden zone (where they meet John P.Fedele doing an amusing Charlton Heston parody) and finally make it to the land of the Barbarian Queen (Shelby Taylor), a scantily clad pretty blonde capable of speech who wants to create a new world where man and ape will be able to live together. After various sexual encounters, Captain Laid and company have caught up with our heroes, and it culminates in a big battle - which is only ended when the Missing Link (John Link) descends from the sky, sings the Ape Man Disco Song, and suddenly everybody is friends again.

After one last round of sex with Uvala and her ass-tronauts, Gaylor's spaceship is repared ("It's amazing what a little bit of spit and gum can do ...") and she says good-bye to all her new-found friends (including the classic line "And I'll miss you the most, Scarecrow !") and flies off to the planet she thinks is earth. But it turns out to be ... The Planet of the Chickens !!!


In my eyes, John Bacchus was always a comedy director first and a sexfilm-director second - and Play-Mate of the Apes, one of his funniest films, seems to aptly prove that: Bacchus' anything-goes style of comedy works just great in the context of a Planet of the Apes-parody (the film was released shortly after Tim Burton's rather forgettable remake of the classic film, but with his film, Bacchus tried to stay closer to the original), virtually all the shortcomings of the film (especially its inherent and obvious cheapness) work for the movie instead of against it, the actors and actresses all seem to enjoy doing comedy and their punchlines are mostly on-point, and apart from that it's just great when several characters, at random points in the story, just break out into a song. The sex-scenes on the other hand are nothing special - even if Misty Mundae is immensely cute in this one -, the best thing about them often being the preceding pick up lines like "I want to make peace between our nations." - "I like." or "It's getting cold here." - "In Russia, we use our bodies to keep each other warm:"

So seen as a pure sexfilm, Play-Mate of the Apes might not have all that much to offer, but as a comedy, it is just great.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


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In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.


There's No Such Thing as Zombies
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry


directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke


now streaming at


Amazon UK





Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from