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Hercules in New York

USA 1970
directed by Arthur A. Seidelman
starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (as Arnold Strong), Arnold Stang, Deborah Loomis, James Karen, Ernest Graves, Tanny McDonald, Harold Burstein, Merwin Goldsmith, Michael Lipton, Rudy Bond, Taina Elg, Tony Carroll, Erica Fitz, Diane Goble, Dan Hamilton, Mark Tendler, Dennis Tinerino

Hercules

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Despite his father Zeus's (Ernest Graves) disapproval, Hercules (Arnold Schwarzenegger) bored on mount Olymp, goes down to the earth & swoon he reaches New York, where he soon beats up a few annoying mortals before being befriended by meek & feeble Pretzie (Arnold Stang), who teaches him a thing or 2 about the ways of modern man.

When Hercules passes a sports ground though & proves hmself an athlet far superior to the reigning champion Rod Nelson (Howard Burstein), he catches the attention of professor Camden (James Karen) & his daughter Helena (Deborah Loomis) - & while Camden wants to win him over for his athletes' team & Helen falls in love with him, Pretzie hooks him up with a shady wrestling promoter ... & before you know it, a gang of crooks have taken over managing Hercules.

That of course wouldn't be half bad, considering Hercules has supernatural powers, but right at that point Juno (Tanny McDonald), Zeus's wife, intervenes & has Nemesis (Taina Elg), Zeus's bringer of doom remove Hercules' powers ... & right in the middle of a weightlifting contest between Hercules & Monstro (Tony Carroll), too, which Hercules loses ... much to the dismay of his gangster friends - & wouldn't you know it, a chase on foot in cars & with a chariot ensues through the streets of New York.

Zeus, who watches it from above though, is reluctant to save his offspring, so Hercules' friend Mercury (Dan Hamilton) sends Atlas & Samson (Dennis Tinerino, Mark Tendler) to help out ... & this is when Zeus (rather inexplicablya) decides to restore Hercules' powers, & he gives the gangsters a sound beating & buries them under rolls of carpet (Really) substituting for temple columns. Then inexplicably _Hercules returns to Mount Olymp, leaving a saddened Pretzie behind.

 

Very unfunny & very cheap comedy, that lacks not only jokes but also a coherent story, proper direction or competent acting - think what you may about Arnold Schwarzenegger, but after seeing Hercules in New York you will have to agree he has come quite some way as an actor. The film however is split in equal parts between him & Arnold Stand, a very mediocre Jewish actor whose main claims to fame were being the voice of both Herman in the long-running but unremarkable series of Herman and Katnip-shorts for Famous/Paramount, & of the titkle character of Hannah-Barbera's popular animated tv-series Top Cat.

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD