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Very Very Bad Santa

USA 2005
produced by
Loaded Digital
directed by Anton Slayer
starring Ron Jeremy, Kelly Erickson, Melissa Lauren, Michelle B, Annie Cruz, Mary Jane, Anna Nova, Aria, Brian Surewood, Randy Wright, Mark Wood, Lee Stone

Santa Claus

review by
Mike Haberfelner

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Available on DVD !

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Always make sure of DVD-compatibility !!!

Santa (Ron Jeremy) and his (male) elf are incredibly horny, but without a woman in sight, and their neighbour audibly banging his girlfriend doesn't help much, either. The elf goes out to pick up some broad, but fat chance considering he's still in his elf-uniform! Santa meanwhile stays home to masturbate to his neighbours' lovemaking.

The elf gets luckier though - if paying a hooker for a blowjob in a back alley and then getting robbed by her matches your definition of "getting lucky" at least.

It's Christmas shopping day, and Santa and his elf notice they haven't got any money, so they try to earn some dough as landscapers for some rich out-of-town client - and it's not long before they rent their client's place out to a porn production company shooting a threeway scene.

With the money from the porn company, the elf quits his dayjob and thinks he can live off the money paid for renting out his client's house for sex shoots alone - and he especially figures he'll get laid a lot ... and what do you know, ultimately he gets to fuck Annie Cruz ...

 

A sleazy Santa in a porn movie?

Now that sounds like a fun idea - one would almost think that's a movie that writes itself ...

And yet, Very Very Bad Santa is pretty much a major disappointment: Basically, the Christmas theme is dropped not even halfway through the movie, Santa isn't in any of the sexscenes himself (not that I'd want to see Ron Jeremy naked, but Santa fucking would have made sense in the context of this movie), and as for the sexscenes: The girls are almost uniformly from the fake-boobs persuasion, and they don't really seem to be into their scenes. Only in the final scene, Annie Cruz (real boobs, by the way) shows genuine enthusiasm concerning fucking, but that's too little too late ...

 

review © by Mike Haberfelner

 

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Thanks for watching !!!

 

 

Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
-
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.

 

Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner

 

Out now from
Amazon!!!

 

 

 

On the same day
a Burglar wants to kill you
and your Ex wants
to make up ...
... and for the life of it,
you can't decide
WHICH IS WORSE!!!

 

A Killer Conversation

produced by and starring
Melanie Denholme
directed by
David V.G. Davies
written by
Michael Haberfelner
starring
Ryan Hunter and
Rudy Barrow

out now on DVD