Hot Picks

- There's No Such Thing as Zombies 2020

- Ready for My Close Up 2019

- Dogman Territory: Werewolves in the Land Between the Lakes 2024

- Berta 2024

- Spirit of Friendship 2024

- The Lady of the Lake 2024

- DreadClub: Vampire's Verdict 2024

- Love Kills 2024

- Rally Caps 2024

- All Happy Families 2023

- Last Night on Earth 2024

- Revenge Tour 2024

- The Culture of Hip Hop: The Staten Island Story - Part 3 2024

- Jennie, Wife/Child 1968

- Creatures of Habit 2024

- In the Dreams of Those with Unblinking Eyes 2024

- Tell That to the Winter Sea 2024

- The Magic of Santa Claus 2024

- Little Deaths 2023

- Graveyard Shark 2024

- Alien Outbreak 2020

- The Kingdom by the Sea 2024

- Common Law Wife 1963

- Dance Rivals 2024

- The Exorcism 2024

- Inheritance 2024

- Hundreds of Beavers 2023

- The After Dark 2024

- For Prophet 2024

- #ChadGets-TheAxe 2022

- The Guyver 1991

- Double Exposure 2024

- Live One 2024

- Queen Rising 2024

- The G 2023

- Talk of the Dead 2016

- Midnight Feature 2024

- Deadland 2023

- The Red Lips of the Octopus 2023

- A Gangster's Kiss 2024

- Homework 1982

- Vindication Swim 2024

- Bermondsey Tales: Fall of the Roman Empire 2024

- As I Believe the World to Be 2023

- 2015: Future Uncertain 2024

- Guy Friends 2024

- A Rocky Mountain Affair 2024

- The Moor 2023

- Insane Like Me? 2024

- Grandma's Cookies: A Christmas Tale 2024

- First Impressions Can Kill 2017

- A Killer Conversation 2014

- Star Crash 1979

- Strangler of the Swamp 1946


UK 1985
produced by
Kevin Attew, Don Hawkins, Al Burgess (executive), Paul Gwynn (executive) for Alpine, Green Man, Limegreen
directed by George Pavlou
starring Larry Lamb, Denholm Elliott, Steven Berkoff, Nicola Cowper, Irina Brook, Art Malik, Brian Croucher, Ingrid Pitt, Trevor Thomas, Gary Olsen, Paul Bown, Philip Davis, Miranda Richardson, Paul Mari, Philip Tan, Tina Maskell, Clive Panto, Sean Chapman, Candy Davis
screenplay by Clive Barker, James Caplin, based on a story by Clive Barker, music by Freur

review by
Mike Haberfelner

Quick Links

Abbott & Costello

The Addams Family

Alice in Wonderland

Arsène Lupin



Black Emanuelle

Bomba the Jungle Boy

Bowery Boys

Bulldog Drummond

Captain America

Charlie Chan



Dick Tracy

Dr. Mabuse

Dr. Orloff

Doctor Who


Edgar Wallace made in Germany

Elizabeth Bathory



Flash Gordon


Frankie & Annette Beach Party movies

Freddy Krueger

Fu Manchu





El Hombre Lobo

Incredible Hulk

Jack the Ripper

James Bond

Jekyll and Hyde

Jerry Cotton

Jungle Jim


Kekko Kamen

King Kong

Laurel and Hardy

Lemmy Caution


Lone Wolf and Cub

Lupin III


Marx Brothers

Miss Marple

Mr. Moto

Mister Wong


The Munsters

Nick Carter

OSS 117

Phantom of the Opera

Philip Marlowe

Philo Vance


Robin Hood

The Saint

Santa Claus

El Santo

Schoolgirl Report

The Shadow

Sherlock Holmes


Star Trek

Sukeban Deka



Three Mesquiteers

Three Musketeers

Three Stooges

Three Supermen


Wizard of Oz

Wolf Man

Wonder Woman




Roy (Larry Lamb), ex-bodyguard for the mob, is hired by his ex-boss Motherskille (Steven Berkoff) to find Nicole (Nicola Cowper), Roy's ex-girlfriend, who had been working as a prostitute lately - but it was said that she was really good at it - & who was kidnapped by a gang of monsters

The Madam of the whorehouse Nicole was working at, Pepperdine (Ingrid Pitt) reacts remarkably evasive to his questioning, but Roy finds out anyhow that she was (ab)using some substance, which leads him directly to dubious professor Savory (Denholm Elliott) ... who by the way seems to be producing monsters in his secret lab.

Nicole meanwhile wakes up amongst her kidnappers, the monsters, & learns that they mean her no harm, but need her because they are addicted to the same drug as she is (Savory's stuff), but while she stays remarkably beautiful (in an 80's sort of way) & can use the drugs secret powers to fulfill wishes (which makes her such a good whore), the monsters have turned into ... well monsters, thanks to the drug.

Nicole, nice gal that she is, decides to help them, & soon sees herself as one of them.

Meanwhile Roy has, after much to-&-fro, found out the monsters' hideout, but is captured & tied up by them (what did he think, that they'd be happy he has come), while the monsters & Nicole conjure up a plan to steal a wagonload of drugs from Savory. But Roy was duped: Motherskille wasn't interested into Nicole's whereabouts at all, he just wanted to find where the monsters hide out to destory them for good because of ... insert reason here.

To cut a long story short, at the end pretty much everybody ends up dead except for a few of the monsters & of course Roy & Nicole, whose druginduced supernatural powers have by now come to full swing. But when Roy offers her to take her with him, she refuses, because (referring to the monsters' hideout somewhere in the sewage systems) "This is my home now !" ... well I suppose it could turn into something cozy with a lick of paint, but then I'm not an interior designer.


Clive Baker's short story which this film was based on did have some interesting concepts - even if the idea of having monsters as the mistreated good guys was an old cliché by the mid 80's -, the film however leaves no room for any subtleties, instead drowning everything in a totally flat & uninvolving directorial effort that seems to have taken more time in arranging neon-lights (after all, this was the mid-80's) than creating anything remotely resembling any atmosphere. Bad actors & incredibly stupid dialogue do not make this film one bit better.

By the way the first adaptation of a Clive Barker story into a feature film. Director Pavlou would make another Barker-adaptation, Rawhead Rex, the next year, and even though that movie is the better film, it's not much better than Underworld.


review © by Mike Haberfelner


Feeling lucky?
Want to
any of my partnershops yourself
for more, better results?
(commissions earned)

The links below
will take you
just there!!!

Find Underworld
at the amazons ...


Great Britain (a.k.a. the United Kingdom)

Germany (East AND West)

Looking for imports?
Find Underworld here ...

Your shop for all things Thai

Thanks for watching !!!



In times of uncertainty of a possible zombie outbreak, a woman has to decide between two men - only one of them's one of the undead.


There's No Such Thing as Zombies
Luana Ribeira, Rudy Barrow and Rami Hilmi
special appearances by
Debra Lamb and Lynn Lowry


directed by
Eddie Bammeke

written by
Michael Haberfelner

produced by
Michael Haberfelner, Luana Ribeira and Eddie Bammeke


now streaming at


Amazon UK





Robots and rats,
demons and potholes,
cuddly toys and
shopping mall Santas,
love and death and everything in between,
Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

is all of that.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to
a collection of short stories and mini-plays
ranging from the horrific to the darkly humourous,
from the post-apocalyptic
to the weirdly romantic,
tales that will give you a chill and maybe a chuckle, all thought up by
the twisted mind of
screenwriter and film reviewer
Michael Haberfelner.


Tales to Chill
Your Bones to

the new anthology by
Michael Haberfelner


Out now from